By the time Wednesday rolls around, I’m exhausted from restless nights and reoccurring sex dreams about Cole. My work days have been mostly filled with client meetings with Sue at the helm, and my focus tends to drift to a continuous loop of daydreams where his hard, sweaty body thrusts on top of me and his dirty words fill my ear. I’m pretty sure I’m worse off now in the pent-up sexual frustration department than I was before I slept with him on Saturday night.
For once, I’m actually excited to put on a paper gown and have a stranger insert a speculum into my vagina. I’m hoping this appointment will refocus my attention onto the task at hand, helping Ellie and Josh to start a family.
The one thing I didn’t expect was to have such fantastic sex that now I’m going to have to wait nine months to do it again. I think I might die.
Ellie’s fertility specialist is located in a medical complex near downtown. When I enter the building, I find Ellie waiting in the lobby for me.
She threads her arm through mine and gives me a squeeze. “You are amazing for doing this. What would I do without you?”
She’s smiling, but I think she knows she might have less craziness in her life without me.
“How are you feeling? You’re sure about this, right? I want you to be absolutely sure—I’d die if something like this came between us.” Ellie has been texting, calling, asking this all week. Almost as if she’s not sure now. Well, I’m almost sure—no, I’m sure.Damn Cole.
I don’t mention my lack of sleep, my out of control libido or the fact that the chocolate chip cookie I ate for breakfast is making my stomach ache. My body’s not exactly a ringing endorsement for you to put your baby inside me.
“I’m great!” My smile is a picture of enthusiasm.
I let her lead me to the elevator and up to the fifth floor. We don’t have a long wait before my name is called, thank god, because their waiting room’s reading material is lacking, only medical journals and magazines with babies on the front.
The nurse does all the basics, temperature, blood pressure and I get my blood drawn, but she tells me not to use the restroom until after the ultrasound, something about a full bladder making the pictures clearer. All I know is I’ve had two cups of coffee and my kidneys are floating.
Other than the fact that I feel like I might pee all over the doctor’s hand, the ultrasound is actually pretty cool. I’ve never seen inside my uterus before, it’s fairly enlightening to come face to pixelated screen with the organ that like clockwork, makes me bleed for seven days of every month. It’s like learning a vulnerable secret about a frenemy and realizing that they’re really not out to ruin your life. That, or my full bladder is making me hallucinate and think weird thoughts. Dr. Yang, Ellie’s fertility specialist, finds each ovary and fallopian tube, then switches off the machine.
“Brooke, everything looks excellent.” I watch Dr. Yang pull off the giant condom-like wrapper that was on the ultrasound stick, and it makes me think of Cole and his huge dick.Now’s not the time. “Your uterus is pristine. It looks promising for an implantation attempt.”
Dr. Yang smiles at me. That was probably the only compliment I will ever hear about my uterus, so I thank her.
I turn to smile at Ellie, who is almost on the verge of tears. I reach for her hand.
“Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m so happy.” She wipes a tear. “It’s just a little bittersweet, too, you know?”
“I know.” I wish uterus transplant was a thing. I would trade with Ellie in a heartbeat.
I squeeze Ellie’s hand while Dr. Yang pulls out some paperwork. She goes on to explain the surrogacy process, the hormones that would be involved to prepare my body for the embryo implantation, the resources available to help surrogates and their intended families through the process, not only physically but emotionally. Ellie asks a thousand questions. She’s obviously done more research than I have.
“If you decide to move forward, Brooke, you’ll need to stop your oral birth control, but condoms would still be used to prevent pregnancy. Do you currently have a sexual partner?”
I almost ask her to define ‘current’ but think better of it. Besides, Cole is in the past.
“No. It’s just me and my vibrator.”
She gives me a half smile, while Ellie looks mortified.
“Orgasms aren’t an issue, are they?” I ask.
“No, Brooke, having orgasms during this process is completely safe,” Dr. Yang comments.
Oh, good. I can give up dick, but I don’t think I can give up orgasms. I’m grateful that they are not mutually exclusive.
“Then, I would start you on fertility hormones to prep your body for the implantation and increase the chance of a viable pregnancy,” Dr. Yang explains as she hands me the paperwork outlining the procedure, then stands.
“I know this is a lot to digest, if either of you have any questions, please give me a call. Brooke, you can get dressed and use the restroom.”
“Thank you, Dr. Yang.” Ellie stands and gives her a hug. “We’ll be in touch.”
Dr. Yang exits and Ellie rushes over to envelope me in a hug. Ellie’s hug is somewhat like a python’s might be, firm and tight, squeezing you until you can’t breathe.
