But an immortal girl hadneeds.
I sighed. “Yeah, so not really. I messed around with some guys, did the deed with a few. The last time was with a really cute cowboy I had a crush on. But it was a colossal failure. He lasted maybe two thrusts. I haven’t had the big O with a person not myself for… well, ever, come to think of it.” I wiggled my fingers. “I know my own way around the old strawberry patch, but I’ve heard it’s not nearly as fun to pluck the berry alone.”
Her jaw dropped as she put it together. “You haven’t, um, felt pleasure with a partner?”
“Not even one happy tingle. I’ve been trying to climb that mountain with someone who is not a class one pervert for the past couple of years.”Centuries, I amended silently. “And now I’m here, so I missed my shot, I guess. Pretty much the story of my life.”
Sunny frowned. “Why don’t you think you’ll have the opportunity for intimacy?” She motioned to my glittery smut. “I mean, for obvious reasons, it won’t happen soon. But eventually? Who knows what’s under all that? You could be stunning.” She winked. “I’ll bet you’re a knockout.”
I swallowed hard, my senses flooded with risqué thoughts about rugged Mikhail, mysterious Gavriel, gorgeous Righteous and that smoking hot—wait, NOT the Great Gate.Stop thinking about it that way, Feather! Gates are not appropriate romantic partners!
I cleared my throat and tried to stop the runaway horndog train in my mind. “You mean to tell me you get to have sex here?”
“If you’re lucky.” Sunny dimpled, and motioned for me to follow her to the Maker Hall.
As we walked, I murmured, “So, who are you knocking sandals with? You said you like the ladies?”
Sunny blushed and walked faster, a darker flush peeking out between the freckles on her cheeks. “Um, no one. And I prefer feminine energy, but in Sanctuary, it’s not so cut and dried. I like someone, but… I’m not exactly considered the most attractive candidate for merging.”
I stopped walking. “First off, what the fark? You are smoking hot. If I hadn’t been dreaming of finding the perfect big D to provide the fabled big O for centuries, I would totally dip my toes into the lady pool with you.”
“Centuries?” Sunny rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Feather. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Do so. But what’s this merging thing? Is that slang for bumping uglies?”
Sunny wrinkled her nose. “Ew. I guess so. But merging… It’s not just physical. Sometimes it’s not physical at all. It’s mental and spiritual. When two souls merge, they can experience all the physical gratification of sexual congress, but also delve into the realms of spiritual intercourse, and—”
I laughed so hard I almost fell over. “You… You’re quoting a textbook, aren’t you?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, her wings fluttering in agitation. “I might be.”
“So, you’ve never been intimate with anyone?”
Sunny sighed and started walking again. “Sadly, no. I had a chance to merge after my first few lives, when I was back in Sanctuary, before I did the mission that ended with me so”—she gestured at the muddy edges of her toga—“filthy. But I chickened out. It seemed too important to try with someone I didn’t care deeply for. Now, almost no one will look at me. It’s not like the smut they might get from me is even that dangerous. They would just have to take a long bath. Or two.”
“Yeah, Sunny? Sanctuary’s baths are the equivalent of a heavy course of spiritual antibiotics. So, smut apparently is sort of dangerous.” That thought stung. “I’m dangerous, aren’t I?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re nothidingit. It’s not like germs on Earth….” Her voice trailed off, like she was reconsidering her statement. “At least, not precisely.”
I frowned, remembering her story about long-ago Protectors being unmade when they got too filthy. I could see why the others weren’t offering me handshakes or high fives. “Is that why the Guide said I wasn’t welcome in Assemblies?Wait.” My face burned as I realized we hadn’t passed a single Protector in the halls so far. “Everyone’s avoiding me. I thought the smell was the reason, but itislike germs, isn’t it?”
She dropped her eyes. “To be honest, your appearance and your smell aren’t… super attractive at the moment. But the other Protectors aren’t being mean to you, or to me, when they keep their distance. Well, not all of them. You have to be careful who you spend a lot of time with. After a while, even without physical contact, we can sort of… share things. Especially if you have a spiritual wound.”
I didn’t even want to ask what she meant by that. “So, I am spiritually contagious. Good to know.” I had moral mono. Heavenly herpes.Soul syphilis.I squinted at Sunny as she walked. “Aren’t you worried about it? Catching my smut germs?”
One corner of her mouth tipped up. “Maybe at first, but now I don’t care so much about it. You’re kind to me.”
“Who wouldn’t be?” I was sort of shocked. Of all the Protectors I’d met, Sunny was by far the most genuine.
“You’d be surprised,” she muttered, then changed the subject. “I hate to ask, but you said in Assembly that you, um, murdered a man. Was that really what happened?”
I winced. “Sort of. He was going to hurt my charge. And—maybe just as bad—she was going to kill him. I couldn’t let her live with that.”
“So, you took her burden on,” Sunny said thoughtfully. “I get it, but was there any other way? I mean, that man could have lived to redeem himself, at least somewhat. Because of you, his soul went to the Abyss for certain. I mean, he had no chance to change.”
I gritted my teeth, remembering the evil in that room. “He wasn’t going to change. And I promise his soul was lighter than he deserved when I offed him.” Completely light, in fact. And now I had to carve that jerk’s sins off, one excruciatingly painful strip at a time.
She shrugged. “If you say so. We’re here.” The door to the Maker Hall was just ahead, and I tried not to shudder at the thought of the next few hours.
