I turned to the door to hide my frown, and Mikhail followed me out, closing the door gently, as if Arabella were merely sleeping.
“You didn’t sing her a farewell,” he said softly. I’d asked him centuries ago to stop nagging me about my singing. But Mikhail was nothing if not persistent.
“I spoke to her, I always do.” I took a steadying breath when his answering hum felt like a condemnation.
Back when Rafe had been in charge of Sanctuary, in his spare time he’d written thousands of songs for every occasion: greetings, partings, celebrations and mourning. Even songs for merging. Sanctuary had been filled with music. After he left, it had grown quieter year by year. The imbalance had taken so much of my energy and time, and my continual failures as the leader of Sanctuary had stripped away my joy. After Arabella had fallen, I’d lost all desire to sing. I wasn’t even certain if I could anymore.
Besides Mikhail’s humming as he worked, and the Head Protectors I’d assigned to guard and sing to the Great Gate, there was no music in this realm. At some point, the Guides had elected to focus all their attention on fighting the shadows, so the newer Novices and Protectors had never learned the repertoire of our realm. I kept promising myself I’d teach them, but there was never time.
I cleared my throat and changed the subject. “The Novice has gone to be purified? Maybe her naming mark will surface.”
His answer shocked me. “Gav, she’s been purified twice today. It doesn’t work. I had to use the soul knife to make any progress at all.”
“You cut her?” I didn’t know why, but rage swamped me at the thought of him taking a knife to her form, though I had done the same when I’d found her. I forced myself to walk calmly out of the low-ceilinged passageway and into the wider Hall. The ceiling high above us flashed with lightning.
“Of course not.” Mik backed up a step as I stretched out my wings. “She did it.”
“She had to cut herself?” That was almost worse.
His eyes widened. “Gavriel. You know that’s how the knife works. No one else can do it for you.”
I did know that. Just, the thought of a soul so small, with so much smut, having to carve it out of her own flesh... I tried to rein in my fury, to remember she had earned it. I tried to ignore the sudden fear that she might not persevere in the task, but couldn’t quite manage it. My feathers trembled at the mere thought that she might choosenotto endure it.
Why did that terrify me so? The dread I was feeling must be for Mikhail, that he might have to suffer the pain of unmaking another one of his own creations. That was the only thing that made sense.
“Did it work?”
His eyes were haunted. “She cried for four hours today. It cleared away some of it. Not enough. She’ll need to do it again. Possibly many times. She’s worse off than any Protector I’ve seen in my existence.” I tried to hide my shock. Mikhail was a thousand years older than I; he had witnessed mysteries far before my creation.
I steeled myself against the unwanted sympathy that accosted me. A part of me wanted to fly across Sanctuary to her, comfort her. Make certain she wasn’t damaged from the blade. I forced myself to speak calmly, “It’s a good thing the other Guides are calling a vote to shun her. She’ll have plenty of time in your Maker Hall to deal with her smut. And for you to find out what her purpose here is.”
His brow furrowed. “Check on the gate, Gav. I felt a trembling when I was in my workshop.”
We both knew if the gate fell, we wouldn’t need to worry about dirty Novices, or sleeping mates, or mysteries. “I felt wind as well,” I agreed. “I’ll see what I can do.” With that, I launched myself into the air and flew away from my friend.
If only flying away from the thoughts that plagued me were half as easy.
CHAPTER8
Feather
Over the centuries, I’d gotten used to being an outcast. For some reason, even after dozens of new lifetimes, I’d never been born into a family that had enough money to get by, or enough love to go around.
It used to tick me off. Like, couldn't the universe throw me one bone? Just a few years as a daughter who was wanted or treated like I was necessary in some way, who didn’t have to suffer from starvation at the same time? But no, I would die in one life to find myself waking up in a new one every bit as awkward and painful as the last.
Almost as awkward and painful as walking alone into the cafeteria after I’d finished cleaning up the group therapy torture chamber, and gone for another round in the Maker Hall of Horrors. At least the cafeteria door had swung open in front of me without me reaching for it. If I’d touched it, I'd probably have to clean it again later.
Every face swiveled to me as I walked across the gleaming white floor to the dinner buffet, noses wrinkling as soon as my stench reached them. The Dining Hall was about the size of a school cafeteria on earth, filled with what looked like cushions made of golden cloth, with five or six scattered around each low-lying round table.
I waved to a few of the Protectors I'd seen at group therapy, who were seated together at some of the nearest cushions. “Hey, Diligence… or Vigilance?” The girl who'd been so proud of thwarting the college cheaters looked aghast to be singled out. She didn't respond. Maybe it was Benevolence.
When no one replied to my greetings, I made it a game. I would catch the eye of the staring Protector, smile, shoot a finger gun or a thumbs up or a high five, and then watch them flail around trying to make it obvious they were not friendly with Sewage Girl. Their loss.
The Dining Hall inhabitants might not be the friendliest, but the buffet itself was amazing. I piled more than a few berries on my plate, and then some cubes that looked like cheese. Everything gleamed with a subtle light, like the food had all been grown in an irradiated field. Possibly, eating it would turn me into some sort of Godzilla monster. I popped an enormous, juicy globe into my mouth.Oh, holy poison berries, I don’t even care.The taste exploded on my tongue like an orgasm in my mouth. A mouthgasm? A fruit finale? A culinary climax?
I piled so many berries up that a few dropped to the floor and rolled away. I was just chasing one of those when I almost ran into a wall of white cloth and golden skin.
“What are you doing?”
