Halfway through the book, she came to the end. No more. She re-read the last entry.
God, we are really apprehensive about leaving Val with Buddy. I know he loves her. Actually, he adores her. But a week is a long time to be away from her. I wanted to take her, but because we’ll be working such long days, Cecil put his foot down. Maybe I should stay home? No, even as I write the words, I can feel your displeasure at that. Okay, God, I’m heeding the call. One week in South Central Los Angeles. Please watch over our baby girl. Let Buddy allow Rosaline to help him. Grow the relationship between Buddy and Valerie so that they’re blessings to each other. If for some reason we don’t come back, let my community come together and help Buddy and Valerie. We love you so much, God, and we place it all in your hands.
Okay. Done. Time to pack Valerie to go to Buddy’s. Maybe this will inspire him to find a wife of his own and have children.
And that was the end of it.
How could that be all? She’d had her mother for an entire afternoon, and now she was gone again. Somehow, she could hear her voice. Somehow, she could smell her lavender lotion—the same lotion Buddy kept for her in her childhood. He would dab a little onto her hands every once in a while so she could remember the way her mom smelled.
She very carefully set the journal on the coffee table, as if setting down a precious breakable item. She grabbed a couch pillow and hugged it to her chest tightly as tears streamed from her eyes. Her parents had been amazing, wonderful people who loved each other, loved their families, and loved her. They loved her. They didn’t choose God over her. They didn’t want to leave her.
Her entire life, she’d carried resentment for her parents deep inside her heart, resentment that led her far away from everything she’d been taught to believe was good and right. It pushed her into an adulterous affair, a separation of herself from everyone she knew and loved, and eventually into danger.
Somehow, the knowledge of the love her parents had for her, of the hesitation to leave her even to the last minute, softened a hardness in her heart that she didn’t even realize was there until it was gone.
Somehow, in the last four hours, immersing herself in the prayers of her mother, she’d let all of it go, and it came out of her in big gasping sobs.
Everything she learned, everything Buddy and Rosaline and Phillip taught her from her earliest memory came rushing forward. Love, joy, peace – those were the things she never could grasp in adulthood. Those were the things that waited for her right here.
She knew the truth. It wasn’t a lack of knowledge. It was an intentional separation. Now, as she fell to her knees and sobs ripped themselves out of her as if from the depths of her soul, she clung to the truth, desperately seeking the hand of Christ to reach in and pull her out of the mire she’d built around her.
“Please forgive me,” she cried out into the empty room.
This week had dragged onand on. So much so that at 4:58 on Friday afternoon, Valerie decided to call it done. She logged out of the computer system and pulled her laptop out of the docking station. She slipped it into her bag, made sure she had her tablet, and pulled her purse out of her desk drawer. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d left work with such enthusiasm.
As she left her office, she turned off the light and let the door click shut behind her.
“Hey, Val,” Ian Jones greeted, pausing as he walked down the hall.
“Hi, Ian. How’s Calla?”
“So busy. Their reservations have been full since opening. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to see it succeed. She’s worked so hard.”
“She has. It’s exciting to see it happening.”
“Will we see you at the lake on Monday?”
She had an immediate impulse to say no. A big party did not constitute a good time to her, but she knew she’d come to the Dixon brothers’ Memorial Day party because they were family. Mainly, if she were honest with herself, because Brad would be there.
“I plan to come. Is Calla coming, too? Will you be able to tear her away?” She asked it with a smile, making sure he knew she meant only to tease.
He laughed and shrugged. “She said yes. We’ll see.” He looked at his watch. “Got to run. My grandmother is expecting me for dinner tonight. Have a good weekend.”
On her way to the elevator, four more people stopped her, asking if they’d see her at the lake. It sounded like the entire office planned to attend. The more she thought about it, the more fun it sounded. It might be nice just having some downtime with the people she worked hard with every day.
Instead of going down, she went on up to the executive floor and made her way to Brad’s office. As she got closer, her pulse started to increase, and she felt like she needed to catch her breath. She hadn’t seen him for any reason for a month. When she first started here, he’d just show up at meetings whether she saw his name on the invites or not. Ever since the dedication at the church, nothing.
Crickets.
Not even crickets. More like a deafening silence.
What would she say if she saw him? Probably just hi. Probably let him lead the conversation. And he’d probably act very cool and dismissive and walk away as soon as he could.
But, today, she wouldn’t see him. A part of her hoped he’d come out of his office just in time, but she had an ulterior motive. She pushed opened the door and stepped into Sami’s office.
She wore a miniature Uncle Sam hat perched on top of bright red curls and a blue jumper covered in white stars. A blue star adhered to the corner of one of her eyes, and silver glitter eyeshadow made her eyes glow. Just as Valerie came in, Sami hung up the phone.
“Perfect timing!” She grinned and clicked two buttons on her computer. The screen shut off as she stood up. “I am so ready for this weekend!”
