Her eyes flew open and he could see the panic in them. “I just need to check something. I’ll be right back.” She went into the kitchen. He watched her reach up and check the latch on the pantry door lock. She hurried past him. From his vantage point, he watched her check the coat closet, the hall closet, and the spare bedroom door lock. She went into her room and came back out seconds later, much more relaxed and at ease. By the time she made it back to him, she even had a smile on her face. She set her keys and phone down next to her purse.
“Tea!” she said, as if reminding herself. “Any preference?”
Intrigued about her behavior just now and the way she had checked the lock repeatedly when they left, he frowned but said, “Anything’s fine. Whatever you’re having.”
He followed her into the kitchen. By the time she had the kettle heating up, she had started acting normal. No more underlying tension, no more near panicky movements. She assembled cups and tea bags with grace and ease.
“Do you take anything in it?” When she looked at him, he noticed her eyes still skirted with a little bit of panic, maybe discomfort. How he longed to have the right to pull her into his arms and soothe the fear away.
“No. Nothing. Thanks.”
They carried their steaming cups into the living room. Valerie gestured at the couch and set her cup on the table in front of it. “Sit, please.”
She perched on the edge of the cushion, but he settled back, cradling the hot cup between his hands. How did he approach her behavior tonight? Should he, even? A very large part of him wanted to help her fix it.
As if reading his thoughts, she said, “I just have to check, make sure I’m alone when I come home. I am able to relax once I look.”
He looked at the coat closet. “So, you put locks on the outside of the closets?”
“Right. Someone can’t very well be hiding in there if I have it locked, right?” She picked up her mug. “I know it’s a little compulsive. But my doctor said it’s not abnormal, and one day I won’t even realize I forgot to do it.”
He nodded as he blew on the surface of his tea. “Have you ever forgotten to check?”
“Not so far.” She laughed and shrugged. “But I can sleep every night.” She took a sip and flinched back from the heat. “Well, most nights. I don’t know why you asked me out. I’m broken, Brad. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I don’t know what you’re looking for but I’m pretty sure I’m not it.”
Her directness had never once surprised him. He responded just as directly. “I’ve had feelings for you since childhood, Valerie. I know you’ve been through a terrible time, and it’s hurt you. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I get that.” He set his cup down and leaned forward. “But I’m not in a hurry and I’m willing to go at whatever pace works for you.”
She opened her mouth then closed it again. Finally, she said, “But—”
He interrupted her. “But work. Yes, I know. Boss. Employee. Propriety. Like I said, no hurry. And I also asked you to quit thinking of me as your boss. Our relationship goes beyond that. Just like my dad and me. Just like my brothers and me.”
“True.” She looked down at her tea and finally back up at him. Excitement lit up her eyes. “Fair enough.”
He couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll take fair.” Wishing he could stay but knowing he had to go, he slid forward, about to stand. “I am going to go now. I did want to ask if you’ll go to church with me Sunday. I know you’ve not been going to our old home church since you’ve been back, so I don’t know if you’re going anywhere else.”
She stared at him for several seconds then finally blinked and picked her mug up by the handle. “Brad, I don’t go to church anymore.”
His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “What do you mean?”
She took another hesitant sip of her tea before responding. “I mean, I don’t go to church. I don’t believe in God like that anymore. I certainly don’t worship any gods.”
“So, what? You suddenly think life, the universe, and everything happened by accident?” Brad asked, skeptical.
“No. I’m not stupid, Bradford.” She sounded a little bit defensive as she explained. “I do believe that everything was created by a higher power. I just don’t believe that creator gives a hoot about you or me, much less loves us.”
Brad stared at her. For three or perhaps four long heartbeats, his mind raced as he tried to determine if she was serious, or if this was some kind of terrible joke. When he concluded that she meant it, a painful sadness gripped his heart in a tight fist. Just like that, his world collapsed around him, like a house of cards that just fell in on itself when someone in the room sneezed. She didn’t believe in God anymore? How could he continue—?
Well, obviously, he couldn’t. That wouldn’t work, and the Bible carefully and clearly explained that. The tight ache that stabbed icy cold fingers through his chest felt eerily similar to the one that struck him when he found out she’d moved in with another man, when he heard she wore an engagement ring on her finger. He had lost her. He had lost her for once and for all.
“I see.” He set his mug back down and stood. “Well, I’m going to get going. Thanks again for coming with me, Valerie. I really appreciate it.”
Without waiting for her to walk him out, he made a beeline for the door, unlocking locks until he could throw the door open and leave.
Brad scrubbed at the stubbleon his chin and leaned back in his chair, watching the morning sunlight dance on the surface of Lake Oconee. He shifted the bill of his cap, bringing it lower to help shield more of the glare, and glanced at the tip of his fishing pole.
“You’re being awfully quiet,” Ken remarked, threading fishing line through his pole. “Big date Thursday night. How’d it go?”
“It went.” As the pole dipped down, he snatched it up and tightened the line. Nothing resisted. He slipped it back into the PVC pipe he’d attached to the side of the dock to use as a stand for his pole.
