“You need to go,” Spook insisted, resorting to a yell when Xane didn’t move.“Get out!”
Xane levered himself up on one elbow.“So you can run off?No fucking chance.”
“No.”
“I lost Steve.I’m not losing you, Spook.If that means I have to sit on you all night, I will.”He had, and Spook could see the gut wrenching agony of that loss clear in Xane’s face.
“You have to.If you stay…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud.“Xane, we can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?”Xane rolled onto his knees, and tilted forward so that he had Spook trapped between his body and the bed.He put a hand out to support himself, which only added to the caging effect.The hair all over Spook’s body stood on end.
“Dammit, Xane.”His tongue felt over thick.“You’ve Dani and Luthor to think about.”How would they even explain the mottled wounds Xane had already sustained?“And I’ve Alle.”
“Should I call her here?”
“No!”His vehemence momentarily silenced them both.“I don’t want her to see me like this.”Perhaps it was already too late.He had some vague memory of her standing before him, face beset with hopelessness, trying and failing to pry something from his grip.
There were cuts all across the palms of his hands that he couldn’t remember getting.
Why was it so difficult to catch his breath?And when had it become so chilly in here?
Xane inched closer.He pulled Spook into his embrace and held him tight.Spook couldn’t bring himself to push Xane away.He sagged instead, and felt tears course down his cheeks.They dripped onto Xane’s arms, where the droplets clung like glass beads to the fine hairs there.
“You need to forget what’s outside this room, and concentrate on yourself, Spook.Let me help you.”
“How?”There was no relief from this.“I’m a monster.”One only had to see the blossom of bruises over Xane’s trunk to realise it.“One glimpse of my ex shouldn’t turn me into this.”
Xane wiped the tears from his arm.“It hasn’t.There’s only a limited amount of space in your stress cup.Pile on one thing after another and it soon overflows.”
“Did you learn that in therapy?”he huffed.
Xane smiled.“I may have done.Doesn’t make it any less true.If you’d only seen Siv, then you might have dealt with it better, but you’ve been dealing with other shit too.A lot of other shit, and every time another piece of it lands, someone substitutes your shovel for a smaller instrument.Anyone having to constantly shovel elephantine heaps of shit with a teaspoon is bound to have a breakdown.”
Was that what this was?His frayed mind deciding it had had enough?He blinked, and it was like seeing the room anew again—spills and tears, breakages and bruises.Management were going to curse his arse off.
He both cared enough to be irritated by that, and didn’t care at all.In fact, all this new cognisance really did was renew his desire for escape.He struggled against Xane’s grip.“Let me up.”
On unsteady feet, Spook rose and made his way into the wreckage of the lounge.Had he done this?He had only the faintest, vaguest of memories of it, like he’d perhaps thought it for a split second, but not gone through with it.
Only there was no accounting for the destruction in any other way.
He located a still intact glass and poured himself some water.How did he get out of here?Where did he go?
Xane followed him out of the bedroom, wary gaze upon him as he hiked up his jeans.He looked like he’d been savaged by a vampire cult, or mauled by zombies, and without a shirt with which to cover up, the bites were impossible to ignore.Each vibrant flash of red and purple gleamed beneath the electric light, and made Spook’s inside grow tight with a combination of revulsion and arousal.
Like he needed a hard-on right now.
And yes, thank you very much, he was a sick puppy.Bruises totally turned him on.They made him want to reach out and press in anticipation of that wince.
“Spook?”
Spook turned and faced the window in an attempt to show some restraint.He could be a first class actor when he put his mind to it, and that’s what he needed to be right now.If he kept his back to Xane, all would be well.All he had to do was maintain his poise.Hold the glass.Sip the water.Breathe… Slowly in.Slowly out.Slowly in.Slowly out.“I know you mean well.I’m grateful you’re willing to volunteer as my punching bag, but I’d really prefer to be left alone.”
Reflection bright in the window, Xane took a step towards him, one arm outstretched, but he stopped shy of making contact.Spook’s breath stilled in his chest.If Xane touched him, attempted to turn him around, this fragile casing he’d pulled around himself would crack wide open again.
“Please, Xane.What I need most of all is some space to get my head on straight.”He sounded almost sane enough to be trusted.
Xane picked up something from the floor and placed it upon the sofa.Spook’s mobile phone.“I can be back here in seconds.Don’t hesitate if you need me.I don’t care what time it is, whether it’s right after I leave, or some point during the night, or six o’ clock tomorrow morning.”
