“As for Caleb leaving you in bed this morning, it’s because he needs to work through the thoughts in his mind.He’s gonna be lost the same way you are.While he won’t cry in the shower the same way us girls do, he’ll workout or get in the ring with one of the guys.Hopefully it’s not Tank because my husband won’t take it easy on him.Leaving you in bed was probably really hard for Caleb because I know it would be for any of our men.You’re both still in that honeymoon phase of the relationship even if you aren’t together.Neither one of you need to rush into things and just let it play out however it’s going to,” Maddie adds in as I look at her with more tears in my eyes.
“I don’t know what to think or feel right now.Being with Caleb was the best night of my life.Caleb made me feel special and constantly asked for consent.For the first time in my life, I felt sexy and like a woman.Darren never made me feel that way.It always felt like a chore when he was with me.On his end, not mine.There was never any foreplay or anything with Darren.He always made me feel undesirable and less than a woman because of the comments he made during sex,” I tell them honestly.It’s the first time I’ve ever admitted this out loud to anyone in my life.
“Oh, Sweetheart,” Sam says, her voice breaking as she pulls me from Maddie’s arms into her own.“You’ve suffered so much in your life for no reason at all.Darren was a selfish fucker and doesn’t deserve to have any kind of love from you.I believe after everything comes out, there won’t be even a little bit of friendship left between the guys.Kreed and Caleb won’t appreciate the way he’s betrayed all of you.If he’s really faked his death, that’s the biggest betrayal to you all.Especially Rory and Bryce.Those sweet babies are innocent and don’t deserve to have a father like Darren.”
I nod my head in response because Sam’s words make sense.If Darren did fake his death the way we believe, it’s more than a betrayal to Kreed and Caleb.Those two brought him into their friendship and world.They shared everything with him and was there for him when his father was being a piece of shit.Caleb and Kreed gave Darren more of themselves than anyone else ever would have.The guys in the Phantom Bastards gave him more than anyone else would.And Sam and Playboy brought him into their family.My children deserve so much better than a father like Darren.He never treated them with love or showed them any ounce of emotion unless it was anger and disdain.Well, Bryce anyway.My heart breaks for my son because he went through hell for no reason at all.
Sam and Maddie help me get under control so I can go out in the living room and get my day started.I’m ready to see my daughter and be there when Bryce gets home from school.I need to be the mom my son and daughter need and not lost in my head for any reason.For now, I have to push thoughts of Caleb aside and I can work through them later when the kids have gone to bed.Maybe I’ll talk to Kreed about the situation and get his take on things.He knows Caleb and I the best and will be able to talk me through things.He’ll know what we’re both feeling and will have advice on what to do and how to handle this situation so Caleb doesn’t abandon us again completely.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Reckless
HALLOWEEN IS OFFICIALLYhere.Everyone in the clubhouse is excited for what tonight will bring with the haunted house.We’ve had a good turnout every night so far, but we’re expecting things tonight to be even better than all the other nights combined.Bryce is excited beyond belief to go trick or treating after dinner.I took him to school this morning and that’s all he could talk about.My nephew wants to get all the candy to share with his family.Especially his mom.Cali and I still haven’t talked about the other night and what happened between the two of us.It’s been a few days since I was with Cali, and I can’t stop thinking about her and what happened between us.It plays on a loop in my mind every second of the day no matter what I’m doing or who I’m with.I’m trying to keep my mind off of what else today represents.The day we thought we lost Darren.
Part of me still truly believes Darren died on our last mission.That we all heard him take his last breath while we all listened to it happen.When Kreed and I carried him away from that pit, Darren was truly limp in our arms and there was no heartbeat in his chest.He was no longer breathing and we lost one of our best friends in hell.I don’t want to think about Darren faking his death and causing all of this pain for the last year.The torment Cali has been through as she tried to raise her children while mourning the loss of her husband when she couldn’t tell him goodbye was more than enough to break my heart.Kreed could hardly stand to see her hurting so bad as well.The two of us had to watch her live in hell and completely break down more than once over the last year when thoughts of Darren would overwhelm her.
Now I know her feelings weren’t that of true love between Darren and her, but because of what her children lost.They lost their father and will grow up in a broken home.Cali won’t give herself to just anyone she meets and she never goes out.Her entire life revolves around her children and doing everything to make her household and family thrive.Darren was never part of that scenario because he never contributed to their family.Not even financially.Darren kept his paychecks to himself and rarely helped Cali pay the bills for their household.Kreed and I could never understand how he could be like that, but Darren always had one excuse or another as to why Cali should pay the bills and let him keep his money for himself.Another red flag we should have paid attention to over the years and never did.
“Caleb, have you talked to Cali yet?”my mom asks, walking in my office without knocking on the door first.She’s one of the only ones who would ever get away with doing something like that because she’s my mom.
“Not yet.I took Bryce to school this mornin’ and he was excited as hell to go trick or treating tonight.That’s all he could talk about.He wants to get all the candy so he can give it away to us all.The kid doesn’t want to keep any of it for himself,” I tell my mom, laughter filling my voice at the memory of him and the excitement he has over the smallest things in life.
“I bet.That boy is so sweet.He reminds me of you and Kreed when you were his age.Bryce always wants to help those around him in any way he can.He’s already got some pretty lofty goals in life and spends time around those who give him unwavering support the way you all do.Every man in this clubhouse has truly stepped up for Cali and her kids in ways no one else would.Not everyone here in the clubhouse even knows Darren and yet they’re stepping up.Luca is truly there for her and the kids,” my mom says as I look at her from across my desk with a ton of paperwork sitting and waiting for me to finish.
“Bryce is my Little Man.I would do anythin’ for that boy and not think twice.Rory is my princess.She’s such an adorable little girl and I know she’ll grow up to look just Cali and be as sweet as her.Rory will need to be protected from all the evils of the world and I want Bryce to be there for his sister.So many siblings go the opposite direction and barely get along with one another.I don’t ever want to see Rory and Bryce like that.She deserves to have a brother who will love and support her while protectin’ her from assholes.A guy who’s best friends will protect her and be there the way Kreed and I have been there for Cali.Rory deserves no less than that, Mom,” I tell her, needing her to know that no matter what happens between Cali and I, I will never again leave the kids alone the way I did before.They don’t need someone who will disappear only to reappear when it suits them.I never thought I’d be that guy and I refuse to let it happen again.
“You’re changing, Caleb.I might not have seen you at your worst the way Kreed did, but I know you’re changing and becoming the man Cali and her kids need you to be.You haven’t touched a single woman or drink since we’ve been here.I’m not stupid enough to believe you’d just quit that shit because we showed up.Caleb, you wouldn’t change unless you truly wanted to.Cali makes you want to change.You’ll want to be the best version of yourself and only then will you start to feel as if you’re good enough for them.If you wanted to continue drinking and being a manwhore, that’s who you’d be regardless of who’s around.I’ve watched all the guys go through that phase.Especially your father.He’s not called Playboy because he was a virgin when we met,” my mom says as I start laughing because it’s not the first time I’ve heard her say something like that about my dad.
“Mom, I’ll never be good enough for Cali and the kids.They deserve the best in the world and I’m a flawed man.I’ve done things I’m not proud of and treated her like shit when I should have been there for her.I’ve disappeared on the kids without a good reason and will never be able to fix that,” I say honestly as my mom and I relax back in our seats and I let myself continue to think about all the ways I’ve hurt Cali over the years.Especially by letting Abigail around me for so long when she was one of Cali’s biggest tormentors.
“You’ll be good enough for her, Son.Give it some time and you’ll figure things out between you two.Just don’t push her away like I know you want to,” my mom says before getting out of her seat and walking around my desk to press a kiss on the top of my head.She doesn’t say another word as she leaves my office and leaves me alone once more.This was just her checking in on me and seeing where I’m at after being with Cali.
Sitting back up in my seat, I try to get back to work on the paperwork in front of me.Between Cali and taking the kids trick or treating tonight, it’s hard to focus on anything.I have to force myself to get the work done so the club doesn’t suffer.It’s up to me to ensure everything is on track and every business isn’t losing money.This is honestly the one part of being the club’s President that I hate the most.Paperwork is boring and shouldn’t be something we have to worry about.Unfortunately, that’s not my reality.
Bryce loved trick ortreating even though we didn’t go from house to house this year.He might not know what’s going on, but he feels enough of our emotions to realize things aren’t right in his world.That something huge is going on.So, like the good son he is, Bryce won’t say a word or complain because things are changed and he can’t do something he wants to.That’s all because of Cali and the way she’s raised him.She’s an amazing mom and I always knew she would be.Rory really didn’t care one way or the other.She sat in her stroller and fell asleep despite the chaos and noise after fifteen minutes of us being in the center of town.Kreed laughed his ass off because Rory can fall asleep no matter where she is or what’s going on around her.The girl does not get that from her mom.Cali has the hardest time falling asleep and always has.
