He swatted at me. “If you ever tell a soul about that, I will deck you.”
Silence ensued as a raindrop splattered on one of the caskets.
“So what do I do now?” I asked myself more than Lucas.
“Whatever you want, man. Get laid. Get drunk. Party. Play football. Stick your head in a cold bucket of water. I want to do all those things. I feel your pain as if it were my own, as if my family was taken away from me.” A tear slid down his face. “I’m so fucking mad at the world for what happened to them. Your mom was my second mom. Your old man was the dad I never had. It guts me to think I won’t see them ever again.”
“I haven’t gotten past the shock.”
Lucas wiped a tear away. “You will.”
That was my fear. What would happen when I did?
I stood. “Let’s go. We have alcohol with our names on it. Just you and me.” I was in the mood for quietness, good company, and a glass of scotch.
Rain started to fall.
I kissed each coffin, my lungs constricting. “I’ll see you guys again one day when I make it to heaven.”
Heaven.
Haven.
What the fuck!
I went ramrod straight.
“What’s wrong?” Lucas asked.
I was afraid to tell him that Haven had popped into my brain. But I shouldn’t be. We told each other everything.
“I can’t leave. I can’t leave them here. I feel like once they’re in the ground, I won’t be able to function.”
“You’re not leaving them, man. They’ll be in your heart. Always.”
I turned and threw my arms around him. “I love you, bro. If you leave me, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.”
He chuckled, squeezing me tightly. “Ditto.”
We stayed like that for a long minute before we broke apart.
Lucas headed for the limo.
I hesitated, took a deep breath, then put one foot in front of the other. With each step, I felt as if I were vanishing into thin air. I felt empty, weak, and so fucking numb that it would be a miracle if I woke up tomorrow.
Lucas jumped into the back seat while the limo driver held open the door, waiting on me.
I looked back. This was it, the end of the road. This moment was a turning point I wasn’t ready for. My eyes clouded, but the tears never came.
The clouds opened up, and heavy rain poured down. I swore it was the universe crying for me, or maybe Mom was shedding tears. Or Randall, Jr. Or Leigh. My old man didn’t cry, or at least I’d never seen him cry.
A groundskeeper walked over to the gravesites and began lowering the caskets into the ground.
“Ryker,” Lucas said. “It’s time.”
Time for what? I had no idea. I didn’t want to leave. For a moment, I debated whether to stay at the cemetery for the night.
“Mr. James, you’re going to get soaked,” the limo driver said.
