“I don’t know. I suppose they might allow it, but we give all that up when we take our vows. It goes to family or charity. Charity in my case since there is no family. None I’d give it to anyway,” she explains.
“Fair enough. What if a benefactor pays for it then?” I counter with another idea. I’d gladly pay for whatever classes she wanted.
“Are you offering to be my sugar daddy from beyond the convent walls?” The corners of her mouth turn up, and her blue eyes flash with a coy amusement.
“Just a thought.” I shrug.
“I’m sure they’d allow it under normal circumstances, but given ours, I doubt it.”
“Ours?” I press just because I want to hear her description of us.
“A former lover. I think they’d frown at that. Worry it could be corrupting my mind.”
“Do you plan to tell them about us?”
“I’ll probably have to confess it. I should. Obviously, the confessional is a private sanctuary—or it is when the priest is real.” She pauses to flash me a look of admonishment. “But the priest would know then, and it’d be up to him if I should stay or not. I don’t think he’d tell the abbess, but he could recommend that I not continue on.”
“And what if that was the case? What would you do then?” I ask because I’m worried it’s a real possibility, and I’d hate to be the cause of her losing the work she wants to do.
“I’m not sure. Probably see what other aid or charity work I could do. Something actually useful and not just idle busywork, you know? I want to feel like I’m actually atoning for the past. Changing the future in some way. I don’t want all of this to be fornothing. Chase’s life to have been for nothing.” She takes a deep breath, slowly clearing the tears.
“I understand that. More than you know. It’s all I’ve wanted since my parents died,” I admit. “If we manage to take your father out, I’ll have to figure out what’s next.”
She reaches across to me and takes my hand, the pad of her thumb massaging my knuckles.
“Will taking out my father give you relief, do you think?” There’s no judgment in her eyes, just empathy for what we’ve both gone through.
“No.” I don’t even have to think about the answer. It’s a question I’ve asked myself a million times since finding out he was the one behind all of this. “The people he hired to kill my parents. They’re dead, and I felt nothing. A temporary wave of excitement that we’d made it a step closer to the truth, but it was just followed by a flood of grief. Killing them didn’t change the fact that my parents are dead. It didn’t let me go back in time and stop it, or be there at the house to call for help when they needed it. Which is what I really want, and obviously that’s not possible.” I tried therapy for a while after their death, and it gave me clarity about why I was so angry, but it did nothing to assuage the guilt or stop the slow pull of the void where there had once been a whole family to support me.
“Right.” She nods her understanding.
“Your father is about revenge. Absolutely. I won’t lie and say he isn’t someone I want to see suffer. But what’s more important is that we stop him before he does worse. I don’t trust him not to hurt someone I care about again. My family. You. If I don’t take him out, he’ll be out there roaming the streets. All that power. All that leverage to hurt people. Whatever the fuck he has planned with these relics.”
“You want to keep everyone safe. I can see that about you. Your brother too.” She tilts her head in thought. “But is it worth all the risks? The potential price?”
“I can’t sleep at night knowing he’s out there.”
“You slept last night.” She tries to tease me gently, and I give her a small smile in return.
“Because you’re next to me.” Her brow wrinkles, and I continue on. “When I slept with you, it was the first time in a long time I made it through a whole night.”
“Oh, well, I’m glad to hear that.” She gives me a sweet smile. Her lashes lower before she looks up at me again, something more wicked in them. “I’m surprised, given how I’ve woken you up before.”
“I mean, it might be better for it. The reward of maybe waking up that way again probably helps me sleep. Just a thought.” I raise a brow and run my fingers over her knee.
“Noted.” She grins, but I can see her thoughts whirring over everything we’ve discussed. I don’t want her to dwell anymore on anything sad, so I figure it’s time for a change of scenery.
“Ready for a picnic then? It's Kit's favorite thing, so I’m sure we have something delicious packed.” I stand and climb out of the spring, turning around to hold my hand out for her.
“You don’t know what it is?” she asks as she puts her hand in mine.
“Nah. I just let her surprise us. That’s part of the fun.” I pull her up next to me and kiss her cheek. “Kind of like you.”
THIRTY-THREE
Zephyrine
Dakota hasme on a horse and riding a trail that’s so beautiful I almost forget I should be afraid. It helps that Teddy is absolutely living up to his name, greeting me like I’m one of his favorite people—probably because of all the treats I feed him, if we’re being honest—and being incredibly patient while Dakota tries to build on the basics I’ve already learned.
