Something angry and bitter and wicked boils over inside me. She can’t do this to me. She’s supposed to help me, not take away my only chance to destroy the Hunters. “Dad wouldn’t do this,” I say through hot, angry tears.
“Your father isn’t here.”
The words land like a bat to the chest, and it feels like my lungs are collapsing. Whoever Mom called must have answered, because now she’s talking about meeting tonight. There are location options and times as they try to coordinate schedules. I sink back to the ground beside Dad’s grave and glare up at my mother. “I hate you,” I say, the words small but filling all the space between us anyway. Growing that space until it seems uncrossable.
Mom hangs up and stares down at me, her expression unreadable. “I’d rather have a daughter who hates me than a daughter who’s dead.” She rests her fingers on top of Dad’s headstone and closes her eyes. “Come on. Ryan’s waiting for us.”
14
TREES WITH THE FIRSTblush of their autumn colors speed by my window.
“You’ve been quiet.”
“Hmm?” I tear my gaze away from the shifting landscape and look at Cal. Last night, Archer agreed to set up a meeting between Mom and Elder Keating. I rode in silence all the way to Archer’s house, even as Mom promised she was only doing it because she loved me. But when Mom told them about my magic, something unexpected happened.
Elder Keating didn’t care.
She actuallyapologizedfor assuming that my magic was unaffected by what happened to me. She apologized for making me feel pressured to keep my condition to myself. She even made sure I knew that struggling with my magic—or even losing it completely—would never invalidate my identity as an Elemental.
Even now, I feel the warmth of those words. The reassurance. I didn’t know how much I needed someone to say that.
Mom quickly agreed with the Elder, but then Keating told her I was going to Ithaca anyway. My job as a recruiter doesn’t require magic—though our strategy for contacting David is a little different now.
Mom and I haven’t spoken since.
“Sorry,” I say finally, shaking the memories away. “There’s alot on my mind.”Namely, that I’m a terrible daughter. Mom might never forgive me for going to Ithaca, but I’m still mad at her, too. Instead of helping me, she tried to take away the one thing that’s given me purpose.
“Me too, actually.” Cal checks his rearview and glances over his shoulder before passing a semi. “I’ve been thinking about Morgan.”
“My girlfriend? Why?”
“I keep wondering why being around her helps your magic.” We pass the truck completely, and Cal slides back into the right lane. “I have a theory.”
The excitement in his voice makes me want to smile and groan simultaneously. “Is it a better theory than the whole ‘let in alittlegrief’ thing?” I felt plenty of grief in the cemetery last night, but that didn’t do shit for my magic. I grab my soda and twist open the top to take a drink.
Cal glances at me before refocusing on the road. “I think you love her.”
His words catch me off guard, and I cough and sputter, soda bubbles burning my nose. “I’m sorry, what?” Embarrassment burns at my face and neck as I wipe drips of soda off my chin.
“Think about it,” he says, ignoring my flustered choking. “Grief is closely tied to love. You miss your dad because you love him, but if you’re closing off the bad feelings, you’re probably blocking the good ones, too.”
“And being around Morgan fixes that?” I don’t say theLword. I don’t know if that’s what I feel when I’m around her. I know it’s good and warm and safe. I know I want to see her every day, that I want to protect her and make her laugh. I want to know what she thinks and the secret hopes she holds in her heart.
But I thought I loved Veronica, and that fell to shit. I’m not ready to say those words again. To eventhinkthem too hard.
“It makes sense,” Cal says, but he’s interrupted by the GPS reminding him to take the next exit toward I-90. “If Morgan is a safe place to feel those emotions, it makes sense that you’d have more control over your power.”
Mom’s words from last night worm deeper into my head. “You’re not worried that my messed-up magic puts you at risk? Morgan isn’t here, and I—”
“Hannah.” He says my name so solemnly my words dry up, and I turn to look fully at him. “I’m an agent with the Council. I’m here to protectyou, not the other way around. We won’t be defenseless if things go sideways.”
I nod, but that doesn’t make me worry any less.
Cal reaches across the console for my hand. “I know this mission is personal for you, but I volunteered for this trip. I don’t want to live in a world where we’ve all lost our magic, either.” He squeezes tight and then slows for the exit. “Speaking of which, you should call David soon and set up the meeting.”
I’m thankful for the subject change, but I still groan at the suggestion. “Can’t I text him? I hate the phone.”
“You heard Elder Keating.” We slow to pick up a ticket for the thruway and merge into traffic. “If David hears your voice, you’ll be harder to brush off. A text is too easy to ignore.”
