I waited to see some kind of reaction. He would be the first person I’d even breathed the words to. This was something I hadn’t been able to say out loud. Because I couldn’t bear hearing it.
I had been fired. They’d let me go. My employment had been terminated.
Hart’s had recently merged with another insurance company, and as departments were consolidated and positions reconsidered, I was one of the people at the top they fired.
I had a reputation for no bullshit, which admittedly had pissed off a few of the higher-ups along the way. I hadn’t realized there had been a target on my back the whole time.
When they’d brought me into the conference room, I should have had an inkling. Seven men in suits with grim faces and one woman, from the merged company, who wouldn’t look me in the eye. My guess was that she’d taken my job.
Things had to change at the top, they’d said. A new culture shift in management, they’d told me.
It was all bullshit.
“Kay,” he whispered, and tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“How could I? You hear how my family talks about me. About who I am. I’m Kristen, the big deal VP from New York. That’s what I’ve accomplished this whole time I’ve been away. And in one meeting on a Friday afternoon, it was gone. All of it. The big office, the admin assistant, the title…poof. When I finally got home and let myself feel anything, all I could do was look around my empty New York apartment and ask myself whatithad it all been for? All the weekends where I just popped into the office for a quick hour and ended up staying all night. Every event I canceled at the last minute so I could stay at work. All the times…” I hiccupped, my breath catching. “All the times I told my mom and dad I couldn’t make it home for the holidays. All that time with my mother, lost. Then I turned around and did the same thing to my dad. Just leaving him to deal with everything. I am at fault. I do have regrets. There is so much I’m to blame for.”
There. It was out. I’d vomited my truth out to Paul, and strangely I immediately felt better. I’d been holding tight to this secret for so long, because somewhere in the back of my brain I thought if I didn’t say it, it didn’t happen.
My issues with denial went deep.
“You’re more than just your job, Kay-Kay.”
I settled back into his chest. His body was so warm I couldn’t feel the chilly air in the house. We were in his cabin, away from everyone, under a pile of blankets, and I never wanted to leave this space.
Which seemed pretty intense given how long I’d known Paul. He just felt so safe to me. Like this anchor that was holding me to the ground, while everything else was up in the air floating around me.
“I don’t think I am,” I whispered. Another terrible confession.
He turned then, until he was facing me. We were lying side to side now, still under the blankets, the late afternoon light was fading.
“What are you going to do?” he asked.
I wanted to laugh except it wasn’t funny. “That is an excellent question. I have no idea. I contacted a bunch of headhunters. Let them know I was looking. But walking into a VP position doesn’t just happen. Not to mention the stigma of being fired leaves a mark. Executives bounce around between jobs all the time, but it’s on their terms. The minute they get fired, there’s a perception they’re not on their game anymore.”
“I see. So there is no real hurry for you to get back to New York.”
“No.”
“And you have all this work to do here, trying to save the inn.”
“That’s true. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t really had a second to think about the future.”
“Plus there’s that other orgasm you owe me.”
I pressed my naked body up to his and felt that his dick was at half-mast. Not too bad after I’d exploded his brain and body with my mad blow job game. I had always been the very best student.
“You let me know when you’re ready for round two, old man,” I told him.
“Well, here’s the problem. It appears you’re going to owe me two orgasms again.”
“What? Are you suggesting you didn’t come? Because I’m here to tell you…”
He put his fingers over my mouth. “No, see the problem is balance. You owed me two, gave me one, only now I’m going to give you one, so we’re back up to two for me. Are you following the math?”
All I heard was that he was going to give me an orgasm. Which sounded really, really nice. I wanted to lie on this air mattress and let him do wicked things to my body until I couldn’t think anymore.
Until the past and the future were blurry nonexistent things and all there was was the present. This moment. Now.
