“I didn’t know,” I said on a choked sob. “I keep going around and around the idea that I was in denial. That I had to see it, but I must have been deliberately looking away. Which would have made me just as guilty as him. Only I truly don’t think I was. He was my dad. He arrested bad guys. I joined the force because I wanted to be like him. I never once suspected he might be something else.”
My mother reached for my hand and I took it like a lifeline to my sanity. “Oh honey, I know you didn’t know anything about his other life. You never would have stood it for a second. He knew that, too. It’s why he hid it so well from you. He loved you too much to give you a hint he might not be the man you thought he was.”
There was some comfort in that, I supposed. That he’d actively worked to keep me in the dark.
I let her hand go and took a breath. “Anyway, I won’t be able to afford Palm Beach.”
“What will you do? You can’t stay in Marana.”
“No.” I didn’t say more after that because I didn’t want to verbalize what I was actually thinking.
“You know, I never really asked about this whole Alaska trip.”
“I told you it was just a contest I won to go camping. Jackson was my…guide.”
“Guide, huh? If I were a younger woman, I would have let him guide me right to bed.”
“Mom!” Gross. My mother was hot for my…mynothing. Jackson was my nothing. Because I wouldn’t let him be. Because I couldn’t be ready for what he wanted. Although it wasn’t as if anything he’d said or done had come with any conditions on his part.
I had just assumed they were there.
“You’ve been brooding over him now for a week.”
“I haven’t been brooding,” I lied. “I’ve been recovering from an impaling. It doesn’t necessarily put someone in a jolly mood.”
“Hmmm. I know pain and I know man pain. You’re experiencing more of the latter.”
I didn’t want to tell her the whole story. Who he was. What Dad did to him. Why anything between us, even if I was ready for something that big, would be impossible. I told myself there was no reason to say anything about him because it wasn’t like Jackson was going to be part of my future.
Just that quickly, I wanted to cry again.
She rose then and picked up the mug of tea. “I’ll make you another mug of tea.”
“Okay, Mom.”
Except I was pretty sure tea wasn’t going to fix what was wrong with me.
I had this idea that only one thing would.
12
Hope’s Point Airport– aka the runway
Two weeks later
Ark
I leaned against the hood of my SUV, arms folded, legs crossed because I didn’t want to look like anything other than what I was, which was cool about the whole thing.
The key to this first date was going to be about setting the tone. Nice and casual.
It was part of the reason I had picked Jenny’s profile in the first place. There wasn’t much to it. Simple, succinct. Not a lot of prose, just some basic facts about her life and her camping experience along with a picture that featured a sweet, pixy-like face.
I wasn’t looking for the type of mess Angel and Daniels had found themselves in. No, sir. I had enough woman trouble with Olivia to last a lifetime. I wanted the opposite of emotions and drama. Chaos and heartbreak.
All I could do was hope that Jenny was on board with that plan because if she wanted more from me, she was going to be out of luck.
I watched Doogie bring the Cessna in and waited as he rolled to a halt. He got out and dropped the step ladder down and I watched as he helped a long-legged brunette with a big mouth and a bad attitude to the ground.
