He nodded slowly. “If you’ll consider it, when they release you from the hospital, I can take you back to Hope’s Point. Take care of you for a few days—”
I was already shaking my head. I couldn’t go back there with him. It was too intense. Everything with him was too intense.
“Nothing has changed for me. I told you at the start of this my life is wreck.”
“It wasn’t a wreck up here. Up here you were happy.”
“Here was an escape. And didn’t you say that staying because I didn’t want to go home was the same as running?” I argued. “No, this place, this time was an illusion. None of it was real. Not even you.”
He frowned. “I didn’t tell you about our past, but there wasn’t anything else pretend between us. You were out there with me. With. Me.”
Gruff Jackson. Stubborn Jackson. Broken Jackson.
He needed someone to fix him, heal him, help him find his laughter. That couldn’t be me. Not when I had only just lost mine.
Not with him. Your laughter wasn’t gone with him.
No, it was too impossible. Feelings, real feelings, didn’t happen in days.
“I can’t—”
“Can’t or won’t?”
I sighed. “I’m not in a place where I can give you anything, Jackson. At least not what you want. I’m going to call my mother. See if she’ll come up here and stay with me until I’m strong enough to fly home. In fact, you should probably go back to Hope’s Point. You’ve been living in that chair for the past three days. You must be exhausted.”
He grunted. It was his you’re-right grunt.
“I’ll stay until your mother gets here. I’ll go find a nurse and let them know you’re up and alert.”
I pulled my hand away from his and he let it go. The fact that I wished he hadn’t made it all the more clear I needed to get away from him as soon as possible.
He turned away but then turned back to me. He looked not just tired, but a little crushed, too.
“I want you to know that when I did this thing, when I thought about who you were, I didn’t really know you. A high-school crush. My version of an ideal woman. Smart, strong, beautiful. Knowing you now, you’re all those things.”
“Jackson…”
He held his hand up to stop me and since I didn’t know what I was going to say, I closed my mouth.
“Let me finish. But you’re also goofy and sweet. Brave. And hot as fuck. Fucking you was the greatest pleasure I’ve ever had. Being with you in the time between fucking you was the most fun I’ve ever had.” He puffed out a sound that was as close to laughing as he got. “You probably think that’s not saying much. It meant something to me. I know it was only a few days. I know it wasn’t the same for you as it was for me, but it doesn’t change anything, Kate.”
“Jackson what are you saying?” I wanted to know, and I didn’t want to know.
“I love you, Kate. I’m sad as fuck you’re leaving, and I hope in the next few days, you change your mind. I’ll go get the nurse now.”
I said nothing as he left the hospital room, just gingerly rested my head on the pillow. I definitely needed to leave this place before something happened. Before he got to me in my weakened emotional state.
Before I did something so utterly stupid as change my mind.
Wanting Jackson and having Jackson were two different things. I knew myself well enough to know that having him…was impossible.
11
Jackson
Three days after I told Kate I loved her, her mother came. I didn’t do much other than introduce myself to her. I said goodbye to Kate and I left. No scene. I didn’t even fucking kiss her goodbye. In the end, I didn’t ask her to stay again. Or to change her mind again. Because I knew the answer. She was leaving, and nothing was going to stop that.
She didn’t say anything inane like she would stay in touch or that we could be friends on Facebook.
