Notebook: There’s a difference between having to and wanting to and between surviving and living. Maybe it’s time I start living.
“Want to see my favorite spot?” Axel asks as we make our way back after spending the afternoon with the tenants.
Before I can answer, he’s already directing Ethan to pull over near a secluded trail.
“Come on,” Axel says, practically pulling me out of the truck. His fingers wrap around my wrist, warm and insistent. “You’ll love this.”
Ethan follows behind us, grabbing a few towels and a large blanket from the back. He catches my eye and shrugs, a slight smile on his lips. Clearly, this isn’t the first time Axel has dragged someone to his “favorite spot.”
The path narrows as we walk, forcing us to go single file.
Axel leads, occasionally glancing back to make sure I’m still following.
“How much further?” I ask, ducking under a low-hanging branch.
“Almost there,” Axel calls back. “Trust me.”
Just as I’m about to complain about the hike, the path opens up, and my breath catches in my throat.
A waterfall cascades down a rocky cliff face, crystal clear as it tumbles into a clear pool below. Sunlight filters through the trees, creating dancing patterns on the water’s surface—it’s like something out of a fairytale.
“Wow,” I breathe, taking in the scene’s beauty.
Axel grins, looking pleased with himself. “Told you, you’d love it.” He kicks off his boots and starts unbuttoning his shirt. “Want to go for a swim?”
“A swim? It’s only June. The water must be freezing,” I protest, but my eyes are drawn to the expanse of tanned skin revealed as Axel strips. “And I don’t have a swimsuit.”
“Who needs swimsuits?” he says with a wink. “I’ll keep you warm, Wildcat.”
My cheeks flush as Axel continues undressing.
Ethan chuckles behind me. “You don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable,” he assures me, setting down the towels and blanket. “Axel just likes to show off.”
There’s something freeing about standing here in this hidden paradise. Maybe it’s the rush of the waterfall drowning out my thoughts, or the wild beauty surrounding us, but I feel my inhibitions slipping away, leaving room to embrace the joy I’ve found here. Thinking of everything I’ve overcome to be here, and seeing so many others who have had similar or even far worse suffering than I have, I decide to embrace this moment. With a deep breath, I reach for the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. I kick off my shoes and shimmy out of my jeans, trying to ignore how both men’s eyes are on me.
As I stand there in my underwear, I resist the urge to cover my scars. Years of hiding them, of seeing disgust in others’ eyes, have conditioned me to expect the worst. But Axel’s gaze rakes over me appreciatively, his eyes darkening with desire rather than repulsion.
“You’re gorgeous, Wildcat,” he growls, his voice dropping an octave.
So I let him see me. All of me.
But then he scoops me up in his arms. I yelp in surprise, my hands automatically gripping his shoulders for balance.
“Axel, don’t you dare—”
He leaps into the water with a whoop, taking me with him as I scream at the top of my lungs. The icy chill steals my breath as we plunge beneath the surface. Then we swim up together, breaking through. I come up, relishing the shock of the cold and pushing my hair back out of my eyes.
“Fuck, that’s cold. Axel! You’re crazy!” I gasp, but I’m laughing.
He grins, pulling me close until our bodies press together, and I can feel his warmth radiating through the water. “Crazy for you, maybe.”
Ethan dives in gracefully beside us, barely making a ripple. He surfaces and shakes the water from his hair.
We float and splash in the cool water, and despite the initial shock, it feels nice. Axel keeps finding excuses to touch me: a hand on my waist to steady me, fingers skimming along my thigh, brushing wet hair from my face. Each contact sends warm sparks dancing across my skin.
At one point, he pulls me flush against him, my back to his chest, as he points out a bird soaring overhead. I’m acutely aware of every hard inch of him pressed against me.
Ethan swims over, concern etched on his face. “Everything okay?”
