“I won’t disagree with you there, baby.”
“You aren’t using me as a clutch, are you? You’re not bonding with me because of the trauma or letting it stem from that? I need you to be honest and real right now. Because if you are, this relationship won’t work.”
I saw the look flicker in his eyes, and I swallowed hard, because it was true. I had read about it when Johnnie died because I never wanted to use someone like that, even without realizing it. Chance needed help, and I’d be here with him every step of the way, if he wanted. But I couldn’t let him use me or use our relationship like that.
If he was in, he had to be in with his whole heart. Not just with a few pieces here and there only to pull back because he had worked through it and didn’t need me.
“Why would you think that?”
“The better question is why wouldn’t I, Chance? You held so much in for so long and only released it when I got here. I’m glad I could do that, but I don’t want you to see me like that. I don’t want you to see me as an end to the pain you feel.”
“Johanna,” he started, letting go of my hand to cup my cheeks. “Yes, you helped me. I can’t deny that. But would I only see that? No. I’m not going to say this isn’t crazy. And I’m not going to say the road will be easy. I still don’t like people in my space. But I can’t see it anymore without you in it.
“So, will I use it as a crutch? No. I want you here, for good, walking with me so that we can remember the good times and create new memories. Is that a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not. I think it’s a sweet thing. I just want to make sure you’re sure, that’s all.”
“I promise you, baby, that I have never been so confident in anything before. I can’t promise there won’t be sleepless nights. But I think there might not be as much.”
I looked at him, truly looked at him, and I knew I couldn’t be happier with that answer. He was right. We’d be there for each other, but we wouldn’t put the pain and heartache on each other. We’d both help each other, and that was the best relationship.
***** Chance *****
She wanted to stay. That was the best news for me.
But she made a valid point.
And sitting here on the couch, I wanted to think it all over.
I meant what I said. She helped me. She pulled me out of that shell. And I was grateful for that. But it went beyond that. When she could have let me be, when she could have run away, she didn’t. She stayed. She wanted to be here.
That spoke louder than any words could have.
So, was it a trauma bond we had? Somewhat. But it wasn’t the basis of it. We just shared a common grief and that grief brought us together.
Do I think Johnnie would have liked it?
That I can’t say. But what I do know is that Johanna was right, he wouldn’t want me to be this hermit. He would have wanted me to live. And I planned on that. Just in my own way. And with this woman, his mother, by my side.
“I like this,” she whispered, her gaze one more outside.
“The quiet?”
“The view. It’s so breathtaking. I can’t imagine the beauty of a snowstorm.”
“Oh, it’s beautiful. But scary as well. It can be white for days on end out here. Which is refreshing. But frightening too.”
She turned to look at me, her lips lifting into a sexy smirk.
“So, is my big, scary, aviator going to save me from it?”
“Hey now, aviators work just as hard as the other branches,” I mumbled, causing her to laugh. “We always get shit.”
“You do. But I saw what my son went through. It’s mentally hard. Maybe not as much PT or anything, but there’s a lot to learn being up in the air and doing all of that. I don’t envy you. I was proud of Johnnie. Hell, I’m proud of anyone who can get in a cockpit and handle those situations. You have to be able to think fast, move quickly, and make split second decisions while flying a multibillion-dollar plane.”
“You would make an awesome recruiter.”
She scrunched up her nose in distaste, and I couldn’t help but laugh, which caused her to give me a funky look.
