“Kross, how long you staying? I’m fixing to cook and wanna make sure I make enough.”
Kross rubbed his stomach at the thought of a home cooked meal from his mother. It had been ages since he had any of hercooking, and he was fiending for some bad. It was way better than the fast food he’d been consuming since he got out.
“I mean, I’m taking ‘Niyis to get his hair cut and retwisted in a few hours, but we should be around to eat,” he advised her.
“Alright. I’ll make some extra so you can take some home with you. Lord knows my child has been eating nothing but chicken wings and burgers.”
Unable to deny the fact that she was right, he nodded his head in laughter. “Fa’sho, Ma. I appreciate it.”
Kross spent some time playing the game with Aniyis. His smile never left his face as he saw the excitement and light that beamed through his son’s eyes from him just spending quality time with him. He remembered praying for times like this when he was locked away in a cell. Aniyis had his whole heart, and he was so grateful for Cassie doing such an amazing job of raising him while he was away.
“See? I told you I wasn’t sparing you ‘cause you my son,” Kross laughed as he basked in his victory on the NBA 2K match they just ran.
Aniyis turned his top lip up at his dad. “So? You’ve been playing this since you were a kid. That’s a long, long, long, long time.”
“Aye, did this little nigga just call me old?” Kross doubled over in laughter. Aniyis was getting back to himself despite the recovery journey he was still on. Every now and then, he used to hit them with one of his out-of-pocket jokes that would usually become the topic of discussion of one of Cassie’s and Kross’ calls or letters she sent to him. Delving into his son’s personality was so awesome to Kross since he enjoyed figuring out what attributes he gained from Cassie and which ones he got from him. He had come to find that Aniyis was the perfect mixture of them both.
“You are.” Aniyis shrugged his shoulders.
Kross reached over, snatched him up, and began tickling his sides. “I ain’t old, scrub. Your pops cool as hell.”
“Yeah right!” Aniyis continued to tease between laughter.
Kross put him through another minute of tickling before he allowed him to catch his breath. Finding comfort in his dad’s arms, Aniyis rested peacefully on his chest. A silence covered them both, and Kross couldn’t help but think their mind landed on the same person in that moment. It was hard to enjoy the good times when Cassie wasn’t around to enjoy them too.
“We never talked about this, and I’ll be real and admit that I was scared to ask you, but how do you feel now that Mommy’s gone?”
Cassie always told Kross that she raised Aniyis to be okay with expressing himself. Tears were acceptable. So were tantrums from time to time. She wanted their son to have a clear concept of emotions and how to deal with them. Kross had to admit, he wasn’t as in tune with his feelings as Cassie was, so he buried them a lot of the time. He knew how important it was to her for Aniyis to be able to express himself, so he wanted to honor that.
Aniyis’ golden-brown eyes bore into his father’s. At the mention of Cassie, Kross could see the light Aniyis had within his eyes diminish. He knew he hadn’t done the best when it came to talking to his son about everything surrounding Cassie’s death, but how could he? Seeing his son in shambles hurt him to the core, so he preferred to keep him happy. The fear of his son growing up resenting him because he didn’t provide a safe space to talk about his mother’s passing haunted him, so he decided to put his feelings to the side and listen to what his son had to say.
“Sad. I miss her a lot.”
“I miss her too,” he sighed deeply while running his fingers through Aniyis’ dreads. “What you miss about her the most?”
“Her hugs and kisses,” Aniyis admitted with a smile. “She used to wake me up with hugs and kisses every morning.”
“For real? I guess I gotta start doing that, huh?”
Light laughs escaped Aniyis as he nodded his head. “What do you miss about her, Daddy?”
Kross ran his hand down his face. He could feel himself growing flustered at the thoughts of Cassie that consumed his mind. Usually, this would be the point where he would shut down and force himself to think of something else so he wouldn’t have to endure the pain of losing her all over again, but seeing the hopeful look in his baby boy’s eyes, he knew he had to push through.
“I miss her laugh. She used to make me feel like I was so funny. I miss her hugs and kisses too. She used to kiss my nose a lot, and I used to think she was weird for that, but now, I wish I could get a few nose kisses from her.”
“Did you and Mommy get married?” he asked innocently while toying with the chains around his father’s neck.
Kross pursed his lips as the regret of not marrying Cassie in prison like she wanted weighed down on him. Remaining honest with his son, he shook his head. “But I was planning to as soon as I got back home. That was my fault, though, because I felt like we had all the time in the world. She was my first real girlfriend who helped me become a real man. She really was the love of my life.”
Aniyis returned to resting his head on his father’s chest. Talking about his mother was nice. It allowed him to reminisce and remember all the good times he had with her.
“You wanna see me and Mommy before we had you?” Kross asked him.
Just the other night, he went back on his iCloud account and was able to find some old pictures and videos of him and Cassie. Seeing how happy she was with him cut him deep. Cassie loved him wholeheartedly, and he hated that it took him a little longerthan it took her to come to terms with that. He was childish and immature when they first got together. He wished the current version of himself was the first version he gave to Cassie. She deserved a sure man who was ready to give her the world, and that was who he would’ve been to her if they had more time. Aniyis eagerly nodded his head, which made Kross reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. He went through it briefly before he handed it over to Aniyis. They ended up swiping through the pictures and videos until they both ended up knocked out and taking a much-needed nap.
By the time they woke up from their nap, it was time for Kross to take Aniyis to his hair appointment. He and Remedy had been texting back and forth, and she offered to get Aniyis right. Baby boy was still having trouble being around a lot of people without it triggering a panic attack, so Remedy was kind enough to agree to doing his hair and lining him up after closing. Kross got Aniyis dressed and ready to go. He made a mental note to head over to the condo to pick up a few more things for Aniyis since he was running low at Raq’s place.
“Can I wear this?” Aniyis pointed up to one of the chains Kross had on. It was a plain solid gold Jesus piece that was actually one of the first chains he bought when he really started getting money.
