‘Hello, you stupid sod. Do you want me to heat up some soup? I have cream of tomato?’ she tells me.
‘Nah, I’m good. Just keep the tea coming.’
She bends down with a small bottle of brandy and pours him a measure too, nudging it in his direction.
‘Get this down you too. I guess the positive of all of this is that you’re both safe here with me. Instagram tells me your dad is making a royal tit of himself in some bar.’
She gets her phone out of her nightie pocket and adjusts her glasses, scrolling through to show me a picture Dad has posted where he’s wearing stag horns and drinking a yard of ale without a top on.
‘That’s just poor parenting that is, Nan,’ I say.
‘Oh, knob off,’ she says, flashing me a toothless smile.
I curl my legs up on the sofa and gaze at the television, thinking about films I saw late into the night with a spotty Cameron’s head rested on my lap, running my hands through his curly hair. Double damn. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Maybe I should go back to the hen do and run a credit card in between someone’s butt cheeks.
‘So, what was the goss this evening? What did I miss?’ Nan asks.
‘I painted a penis.’
‘Why would anyone put paint on a willy?’ she asks me.
‘No, I painted it on canvas. I’m going to give it to you on your birthday.’
‘Lovely. I’ll save it for my bedroom.’
I see the covers quaking as Sonny laughs from underneath them.
‘Everyone was there… It was fun,’ I say, not very enthusiastically.
‘Yeah, I was thinking you looked bloody ecstatic.’ She studies my face. ‘You still mourning over that Harry Styles lookalike from Christmas, the one who got the pox all over my flat?’
‘Nan!’ a voice pipes up from the sausage roll duvet.
‘You were the one who invited him over!’ I protest. ‘Anyway, I got the place steam-cleaned for you after he stayed here. I wiped everything down.’
‘And there was me thinking the worst thing you were going to do was have sex on my sofa,’ she grumbles.
‘How did you get Cameron’s number, by the way?’ I ask Nan.
‘I slid into his DMs. That’s what you young buggers say, isn’t it?’
Sonny can’t stop laughing.
‘Why did you tell him to come round?’ I ask her.
She takes my hand in hers. ‘Because you were all sad and he made you happy. I hadn’t seen anyone make you glow the way he did.’ I take a big gulp of tea to let that sink in. ‘I’m sorry that didn’t work out, love. I liked him. Kindness in his eyes. Your Ruby has that too, Sonny. I tell you, that’s where I went wrong with men, I went for the twinkle. Never go for the twinkle, it’s bloody naughty and devious. Go for the kind ones, the good ones. We don’t raise them people up high enough.’
I sigh because I felt that kindness shine off him too. ‘Is what it is. Some things aren’t meant to be. It’s fine. Anyway,’ I say, kicking Sonny from under my feet, ‘you didn’t tell me Ruby vaguely knew him.’
‘Ruby knows a lot of people,’ he mumbles, oblivious. ‘She has like two million followers, I don’t know who’s real and who’s not.’
‘What did she know about him?’ Nan asks.
‘She knew he had a kid. I didn’t know as much.’ Nan’s eyes widen to hear the news. ‘She’s five years old. Her name is Erin. He’s a single dad.’
Nan nods her head. ‘I knew I liked him, that we had something in common. And he never told you about this Erin?’
I shake my head. ‘To protect her, maybe? We both hid things from each other, Nan.’
