‘No? How ridiculous?’ I blurt out, trying to laugh it off.
She notices a fleece blanket on the sofa, empty cans of G&T and many used tissues on the floor. She comes over and gives me a massive hug, holding it for longer than needs be.
‘Oh, honey. You absolute numpty.’
‘I just needed to get out of my house, do something, throw myself into work,’ I mumble, my head rested on her shoulder.
‘What’s with the tracksuit? You look like you’re about to take part in the Squid Games?’ she asks.
Aaah, the red tracksuit. I step back from her and turn around. This is my Bride Squad leisurewear attire. Red for love, Sister of the Groom emblazoned across the back, sponsored by Adidas. It comes with stripes on the leg and a matching hoodie with the logo CRAZY IN LOVE. There’s also a cap with hearts. I don’t wear the cap, but the ‘crazy’ bit doesn’t look half wrong. I tried it on yesterday and have kept it on as it’s surprisingly comfortable. We should all be wearing tracksuits permanently.
‘It’s a look. And you’ve done the favour bags, they look awesome. What’s with her?’
Michelle points to a blow-up doll in the corner of the room. Obviously, it’s not a stag do without a blow-up doll. I’ve been asked to deliver her to a bar later. She’s called Keeley, she’s again from our premium range; she has actual hair like on a Barbie. I figured it was a better bet to blow her up now as opposed to on a pavement in Soho.
‘She’s for Sonny.’
‘I like how you put a dressing gown on her.’
‘Otherwise, she’ll get cold.’
She looks at the giant crumpled McDonald’s bag in my hands. ‘I hope there’s a McMuffin in here for me?’ she asks.
I nod and she goes to the corner of the office to turn on the kettle, peering over at my desk at the strap-on I tried on last night. Don’t worry, I didn’t have an orgy here, I was literally trying on sex toys by myself. That isn’t sad. At all.
‘I think everyone’s a little worried about you, babe,’ Michelle says, smelling the milk in the fridge. ‘Are you OK?’ she asks.
I hand her a McMuffin and she peels back the wrapper. That one is a double. You’re one of the lucky ones.
I shrug my shoulders. ‘I’ll be fine. I think I just need a few weeks to be like this, to overwork and not think too hard about life, watch Sonny get married and just reset.’
I make it sound so mechanical, but the truth is it hurts. And instead of feeling all that pain, I’ve decided to look away from the wound, to close my eyes and try to distract myself. In that time, the hurt will scab over, it will heal, and when I look back, it’ll be a little scar, a sign of Josie Jewell’s colourful dating history.
‘You know – this was him too. He had a daughter he didn’t tell you about?’
‘Yeah, but I get that. You don’t want to just introduce any old date to a daughter. That would just confuse her. I was obviously nothing serious.’
I swallow hard to say that out loud and Michelle takes my hand again. The fact was, I never questioned it. His social media didn’t disclose much, if anything, about his personal life and the one picture he had with her, I just assumed her to be someone else, a niece, a friend’s child. It turned out he just wasn’t Cameron, he was also someone’s father. I don’t know how I feel knowing about that, but I don’t think it makes me like him any less.
‘Well, at least you’re eating. How’s your mum doing?’
‘Oh, she’s never been better. What happened at the TV debate has done wonders for her. People like her, I think we may see her get a second wind in her career. From porn to sex toys to a sex and relationships column in a magazine.’
‘She’ll be so good at that!’
‘Right?’
Michelle makes the cups of tea and comes to sit down next to me on my office sofa, stepping over the box of well-organised lube.
‘Your dad has asked me to keep an eye. I’ve had to report to him every day. They think you’ve been crying at your desk, blaming them for everything.’
I look over at her. ‘Don’t tell them you found me here. I told them I was with Tina.’
‘I won’t. But if you feel really sad, then you’ll chat to me, yes? Tina? Your parents? Sonny? You know we all love the tits off you.’
I smile in a sleep-deprived hash-brown haze. ‘I know. I think I’m just… you know… Processing? I think I was starting to fall in love with him.’ I haven’t said that out loud to anyone yet and it seems to hit Michelle straight in the feels. She leans over and hugs me. ‘But I guess there are plenty more fish in the sea,’ I say, trying to backtrack with trite cliché.
‘I always hate that saying, you know?’ she exclaims, chewing on her muffin. ‘There’s a crapload of fish in the sea, but do you know how long it can take to catch just the one? It can take a bloody age. And even then, when you’ve caught one, he can be a slippery old sucker. You could catch a shark and it could bite your bloody leg off. It’s a terrible analogy.’
