I do. I think that’s all Mum’s ever wanted for her kids. She wasn’t loved in her own family growing up and has no relationship with her own parents, so she works doubly hard to compensate for that. To know that whatever happened, we would always be loved.
‘I could try to get you a date with Dad’s tennis coach. He’s not got much hair and has an electric car, but he has nice legs.’
‘Or not,’ I say, laughing, as she gets up to clear up the kitchen, knowing for all her good, her role as matchmaker is sometimes a little too enthusiastic.
She kisses me on the forehead. ‘Well, if you’re free later, I was thinking of having a shopping afternoon in Selfridges? Look at potential outfits? Your dad is out, doing his Federer thing. I could treat you to one of those salt beef sandwiches you like?’
I smile. My mum knows how salt beef and giant pickles have a special place in my heart.
‘Oh no, I have a thing, later,’ I reply, maybe a bit too nervously. It’s a sex thing and thinking about it again makes my stomach flutter in waves.
‘That’s fine – don’t worry about me. I’ll ring your nan and see if she wants to come. You doing anything nice?’ she asks.
I nod, in some panicked train of thought. I can just keep it vague.I’m going into town. I’m having a me day. I’m running an errand.But, at present, it’s just lies on lies and I’m loath to hold in all these secrets.
‘Well, I hope it’s not just wedding stuff or work. Do take some time out for you. I don’t want you being ill, JoJo.’
Plus, she’s expressing concern for me, about my love life, my health. My really sweet and lovely mum.
I look up at her, still in her face mask, loading the dishwasher. ‘Mum, if I tell you something, promise you will not freak out.’
‘Is it something wedding based? Is it dress related? Is Ruby flapping and going to make me wear flats so I’m not taller than her?’
I take a deep breath. ‘I’m going out with someone later.’
She inhales sharply, throws her hands into the air and does a strange flamenco tap in her slippers.
‘Don’t get too excited. I don’t think it’s got legs. He’s just come out of a relationship. He thinks I’m someone I’m not. I’m a little worried about where it’s headed.’
She stares at me for a moment. ‘Rewind there, sparky. Why does he think you’re someone you’re not?’
‘I met him at Sonny’s engagement party. He thought I was the caterer. I didn’t tell him otherwise.’
‘But why?’
I can’t tell her, can I?
‘It’s just a strange mistaken identity thing.’
‘Have you shagged him?’
This isn’t a typical question a mother might ask her daughter, but I guess she’s not a typical mum.
‘Yes,’ I say through clenched teeth. She can’t quite read my reaction. ‘The sex seems to be the motivating factor here. We’re both very attracted to each other, maybe too much. I think it detracts from us speaking in more depth about what’s happening.’
‘Is it good sex?’
Mum is excellent at talking about these things with her kids. No shame, my children. Sex is what gave us this house, this life, it’s how I met your father, it’s the reason you’re both sitting here.
‘What we have done is pretty decent.’
She wrinkles her nose. ‘Josie, decent is a word you use to describe a hamburger. It’s on par with “passable”.’
‘It was very good.’ I don’t want to say too much, but I basically came so hard, I gave myself a sex migraine.
‘Well, maybe you just have some good sex with a nice man for a while. Don’t overthink it. If it gives you both pleasure, then that can only be a good thing? He is nice, right?’
‘He’s really nice. His name is Cameron, he designs video games. We’re kinda into the same things.’
