More side-eye. He got an invite only because we’re all nosy as hell. ‘It’s because my only grandson is getting married, you cheeky bint. I wanted to look nice. Now help me step into this.’ She puts on a slip, tights, and I unzip the dress and pull it over her. It has a lovely detail to the sleeve and a jacket to go over it. ‘Do I look like a president’s wife?’ she asks me.
‘Yes, one who’s engaged in all the right scandals, though,’ I say, smiling as we study each other in the mirror.
‘You look very very pretty by the way. Not tomatoey in any way.’
I swish about in my dress, hands in my pockets. I won’t lie, there’s a touch of drama to it that makes me feel elegant, though if people could look in the pockets, they’d probably feel differently.
The door suddenly opens, revealing Mum and Dad. Damn, tissues. I should have brought more tissues because they have spent most of the day just seeing things and crying.These are the orders of service, Dad.Crying.Mum, this is your buttonhole. Tears. When they see Nan and I standing there, it starts again.
‘Oh my… I can’t even…’ Dad sobs.
‘Pull yourself together, man,’ Nan jokes with him. ‘Don’t we all scrub up well?’
Mum has gone fishtail, a lovely full-length dress with a fur stole and a pillbox hat, Dad traditional tux with velvet lapels, expertly fitted by Mr Li. Next to Mum’s feet stands Dave, not really knowing what the hell is going on and why he’s got a bow tie attached to his collar. But yes, we do all scrub up well, even the pooch.
The door left ajar, I spot Tina wearing the exact same dress as me. Her boys storm into the room to see us, colliding with my dad, who lifts Vinnie into the air. Oh my days, they’re in little tuxedos with red Converse. My heart might just burst. Dad is still crying.
‘Why are you sad, Uncle Johnny?’ asks Vinnie, wiping tears from his cheeks.
‘I’m not sad, I’m happy. It’s all my favourite people together. And you look brilliant, Vincenzo…’
‘Sometimes people cry when they’re happy,’ Tina explains. ‘It’s a strange thing.’
‘I cried on the day you were born. We were relieved that you were safe and healthy,’ Mum explains to Xander, straightening out his bow tie. It’s a scene that brings a tear to the harshest cynic’s eye. That eye would be Nan’s. I really should have packed more tissues.
‘Well, shall we? You OK, Josie?’ Dad says, his mother and wife on each arm.
I nod. Everyone in here needs to go and take their seats and Tina is best woman so needs to go and find a groom. I salute as everyone air-kisses and leaves, the boys being given strict instructions to behave.
‘I’m cacking it, Josie,’ Tina whispers into my ear.
‘You’ll be amazing,’ I tell her. ‘We have dresses with pockets. Nothing can go wrong.’
She laughs and we wave them all off, leaving me in charge of twins and a dog.
‘OK, troops. Let’s stand to attention!’ I say as the door closes. The boys listen, the dog less so. This is not a good cocktail for today, so much can go wrong and I’m wearing heels. But I have supplies. ‘Have you been practising your walk?’
They nod.
‘Are there a lot of people?’ Xander asks me.
Only about a hundred, but just don’t look them in the eye. ‘A few. Just remember, your mum will be at the end of the aisle so just focus on her. Don’t lose the rings. Where are the rings?’
Both boys pat at pockets in their waistcoats. I’m glad we ditched the pillows. That would have been something else to carry.
‘That’s good. Keep them there. I need to get my bouquet, come with me? You want to see the bride?’
They nod excitedly as I lock our room door and head down the corridor. Dave, check, room key, check, two little ring-bearers, check. I head to a door at the end and knock tentatively as the boys go in and show their faces.
‘OH MY GOD, THEY’RE SO BLOOODY CUTE!’ someone shrieks. That someone is Ruby’s first cousin, Clara, who I think has been drunk since last night. Vinnie runs for cover by my legs. Another bridesmaid comes over and picks up Dave, who is also not sure. Please don’t kiss me on the mouth, lady. I don’t know where you’ve been.
It’s a sea of red as Ruby has not just me on her squad but an actual army of bridesmaids, from cousins to schoolfriends to co-stars. I filter through the crowd of girls, going to town with the hairspray and lip gloss, to find Ruby at a window. If Ruby wanted the big fairytale wedding dress, then she’s got it. It’s a fitted bodice with spaghetti straps, the skirt just layers of lace, tulle and white feathers. She looks like a confection of sorts, make-up artists sprinkling icing sugar over her, a photographer snapping away in the corner. When she sees me, she comes over for a quick embrace.
‘Oh my god, Vinnie and Xander – you look amazing.’
Both boys cling to me for dear life. Don’t lose the dog, otherwise you’ll have to crawl on the floor looking for him under people’s skirts.
Ruby takes a long cleansing breath. ‘Oh my god, it’s so busy. Is everything OK?’
