“Dear God,” he mutters. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Just saw something at the store and figured you’d like it,” I say cheerfully.
Annoying my older brother is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
Courtney comes over with Evie, and Julian gives them both a kiss. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have figured Julian would be a family man, but it seems to suit him. There’s an odd feeling in my chest as I look at the three of them together.
Then I say, “Come on, it’s in the living room.”
Julian walks over to his favorite chair and looks at his gift. It’s a large plush animal, eating a bowl of noodles with chopsticks, and I’ve placed a bottle of Labatt 50 with a large red bow next to it, so it sort of looks like the animal is drinking the beer. I’ve also tied a red bow around the animal.
Julian picks up the beer. “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”
My brother is mainly a wine drinker, and he has sophisticated taste in wine. But when it comes to beer, he drinks old man beer, and I find it endlessly amusing.
“And this?” He picks up the stuffed animal. “What is it?”
“I don’t know, but it made me think of you.”
“Why, may I ask, is that?”
“It’s Pusheen!” Courtney exclaims.
“Pusheen?” Julian says.
“A cartoon cat! Isn’t she sweet? I love Pusheen!”
Julian smiles affectionately at his wife and daughter, then turns back to me. “You’re trying to buy presents for Evie again by pretending they’re for me. I told you she doesn’t need anything else. She has lots of toys.”
I shrug. Busted. “The beer is for you, though.”
“Thank you,” he says sarcastically.
I take this Pusheen creature from his hands and hold it up to Evie. “What do you think? Do you need more toys?”
She gurgles and reaches out to touch the cat.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” I say.
“You need something to do in life other than spoil my daughter,” Julian says.
“Ah, that reminds me. I should head out—I have an orgy to attend.”
Courtney makes a show of covering Evie’s ears, then hands her over to her father. Julian grins as he bounces her up and down, and she slaps her slobbery hand across his face.
I’m lying—there isn’t an orgy tonight. Just a big, fancy party at Brian Poon’s. There will likely be some sex, though. There usually is. And I’ve had a dry spell of...well, six weeks, which is rather long for me.
I just like saying “orgy” to bug Julian.
To be honest, I do tend to exaggerate my exploits a teeny-tiny bit.
Well, it’s more than a teeny-tiny bit lately. The first year or so after selling my company, my life truly was wild. A little too wild. After years of a ridiculous workload, I was suddenly free and very wealthy, so I was celebrating...but at the same time, I was trying to drown out my overwhelming feelings of misery and loneliness. It didn’t quite work.
In fact, it was the start of a depressive episode.
But most people don’t know about that.
I’m simply Vince Fong, Playboy Extraordinaire. I can’t lie; I enjoy people seeing me this way, and it isn’t entirely an act.
