Still, I can’t stop thinking otherwise.
Five minutes ago, I was fine, eating delicious food and laughing at the phallic pepper grinder like I didn’t have a care in the world.
And now...this.
Julian kneels on the floor beside me and takes my hand. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
I hate that he’s so observant. Or maybe he doesn’t have to be observant to see that I’m having a meltdown, because I can’t even hide how fucked up I am. I can’t do anything right.
Shh. I hear my sister’s voice.You’re okay.
Maybe I should call her.
I have plans for when I get like this, which include calling Naomi, as well as a hot cup of tea, a blanket, a favorite book or movie—some combination of those things. I won’t be able to fully enjoy them when I’m in this state, but they’ll help ground me.
“I need to be alone right now,” I say.
I don’t look at Julian; I just get up and hurry down the stairs.
Except apparently I can’t even run down the stairs without being a failure. I trip on the second-to-last stair and go flying.
Chapter 20
Julian
I’m about to followCourtney when I hear a loud bang and a shriek.
I rush downstairs. When I see her lying at the bottom of the stairs, not moving, my chest constricts and it feels like I can’t breathe. But somehow, my feet get me to her side, and I continue to get oxygen into my lungs.
She’s moaning in pain. At least she’s conscious. I didn’t see what happened—I have no idea how bad her fall was—but she looks awful.
I pull out my phone. “Honey, it’s okay,” I say, trying to sound calmer than I feel. “I’m calling an ambulance.”
She immediately sits up, a terrified look on her face. “The last thing I want to do is deal with paramedics and police officers. Don’t call.Please.”
Her pleading tone catches me off guard.
