I frowned, furrowing my brow, and shook my head. "What do you mean?"
"Youknowwhat I mean," he said, practically growling. "You’ve been acting weird all day."
I shook my head. "No weirder than you.”
“I—”
I sighed. "I’m going to go get the last bag out of the car."
"I’ll do it."
I glared at him. "I said I would." I hurried outside before he could say another word. There was only one bag of groceries left, a paper bag of frozen foods—popsicles and ice cream and frozen pizzas—and I hefted it into my arms and made my way back to the cabin. I’d left the door ajar and I nudged it open with my toe. Mason turned from where he’d been putting food into the pantry and hurried to take the bag from me.
"Goddammit, I said I’ve got it." I turned, wrenching the bag away from him. Mason grabbed at it too late, and the bagripped, contents tumbling to the floor. We stood, both frozen to the spot for a moment, before Mason took a step close to me. For a fraction of a second, I thought he was going to shove me. Instead, he pressed his mouth to mine, letting out a rumble from deep inside his chest.
His hand slid into my hair and held me close as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I groaned and stepped closer, nudging frozen food out of the way with the toe of my shoe, and slid my hands along his sides, tugging his waist close to mine. I let out a sharp exhale through my nose as we touched, our bodies coming together and pressing flush against one another. The kiss went on for a long time, what felt like minutes, hours, an eternity. When we parted, all I could think was,That wasn’t enough.I wasn’t sure it would ever be enough.
We were both breathing hard, chests heaving, and I wasn’t sure about Mason but my head was swimming. "What—" I said after several moments of silence.
Mason’s chest rose and fell, his nostrils flaring. Without a word, he turned and fled to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.
I stood, frozen to the spot for a few seconds, before remembering there were frozen foods on the floor waiting to be put away. Once that was done, I started making dinner, frozen pizza in the oven along with a quick salad. Eventually, just as I was taking the pizza out of the oven, Mason emerged from the bedroom, eyes red.
"Can we talk?"
I nodded. "Of course."
"This way." He led me outside and to the dock, where he sat on the edge, dipping his bare feet into the water. The sun had fully set and thousands of stars illuminated the night sky. I sat next to him and looked up, trying to find the few constellations I knew—Orion, the dippers, sometimes if I was lucky, the Leo constellation. I waited for Mason to speak.
"I don’t know where to start."
Wordlessly, I waited.
His tone was soft, his voice wavering as he spoke. "I’m straight."
"I know."DidI know? Could either of us pretend to be straight anymore?
"I…don’t." He eased down onto his back, looking up at the stars. "I don’t know anymore. I thought I was but…"
"That’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers, you know."
"Yeah." He didn’t sound convinced. "Are you? Straight, I mean?"
I heaved a big sigh and settled down beside him. We stared up at the stars in silence, feet dangling off the edge of the dock, toes inthe water. When I was finally ready to answer, I turned my head to face him. "I don't know either."
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Glad it's not just me." He hesitated. "Have you ever… done anything with another guy? Besides kissing, I mean."
I chuckled softly and shook my head. "Have you?"
"Just the one kiss." He shrugged. "Like I said, it wasn't a big deal."
"Is…thisa big deal?" I gestured between us.
"Yeah," he whispered with a nod.
My stomach roiled with nerves. It wasn't the answer I'd expected, but it was the one I'd hoped for. I reached between us and took his hand. "Is this okay?"
Mason laced his fingers with mine in response. We were quiet for a long time. The only sound was the bullfrogs croaking in the dark and the occasional buzz of a mosquito that I used my free hand to shoo away. Mason's breathing was deep and even and he was still for a long time while we lay there, holding hands under the stars like teenagers. Just when I started to wonder if he had fallen asleep, Mason spoke again.
