She studies me for a few moments, and I know that’s when Ara has been caught off guard by a question. She’s not someone who is often vulnerable either.
“Sometimes, I don’t think we get a choice in how we feel. I’d cut so many people out of my life, and I was even willing to die for my revenge. You have it twisted if you thought I was anything good when Luca and I met. I was fueled by so much hatred that, honestly, he was the first person, in his own sickening way, to remind me of what love was. It was a small step toward the growth I had to make, but I decided to follow where it led me. He infuriates me. We fight just as much as we make up, but I know he’s my person. I justknow.
"There’s something attractive about knowing the man you choose is literally willing to take a bullet and die for you. Devotion like that is not something that should be overlooked.”
My hand pauses as I go to clip the stem of a black rose.
Devotion.
A man willing to die for you.
He’s my person.
All of these I can attribute to someone who, although he isn’t here with me, seems to have marked every corner of my life with his overbearing presence.
When I look up at Ara, I know she’s been intentional with every word.
She slides off the stool, holding her belly. “I wanted to drop by and let you know Lorenzo is dealing with Nicholas Wayne tomorrow, so you won’t have to worry about being a target any longer. Luca has also offered Lorenzo a job in Italy. He’ll be due to fly out in a few weeks when he takes over.”
My heart stops.
He's leaving?
I should be elated, yet an immediate panic consumes me. I should be grateful I’ll never see him again. But my heart and logic express different things.
He can’t leave me.
He can’t leave me?
What the fuck am I thinking?
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask, hating how small my voice comes out.
I do miss him.
And I hate that type of power he has over me.
It doesn’t make sense to love the man who killed my father and used my family for a business deal to please his boss, so he could what… get a promotion?
Then I begin running the list of all the sweet gestures he’s made.
Regardless, it’s simply how I feel when I’m with him.
I hate him now for the suffering he’s caused me, and it’s fucked-up that I still yearn for him.
“I wanted to make sure you knew so you could make a choice,” she says.
“I’ve already made my choice.”
She nods agreeably. “Yes, but I wonder how authentic that choice is. Is it the one you’ve made for yourself or the one you think you should make? I know he hurt you, Lily, but he’s also done everything for you. I’m overstepping, but he’s risked everything for you.”
I scoff. “He hasn’t risked anything for me.”
Ara looks at me pointedly when she adds, “He could’ve been killed for prioritizing you over Luca's demands. On numerous occasions, actually.” My eyebrows furrow because Lorenzo never told me about any of this.
“Didn’t you warn me away from Lorenzo? More than once?” I remind her.
She looks over her shoulder at me with a half-smile as she reaches the door. “Who said I’m not still doing that? But I also think it’s important you make this decision for yourself, not for anyone else.You.I’m here for you no matter what you decide. I just wanted you to know that the fucker's miserable, and it hasn’t been easy on him either.”
