Her phone buzzed again, but this time, it wasn’t Tessa.
Rebecca’s heart skipped as she saw Lillian’s name flash across the screen. The message was short, but the words cut through her like a knife.
Sorry doesn’t change what happened today.
Rebecca’s breath caught in her throat, guilt swirling inside her. She stared at the screen, her fingers itching to type something—anything—that would make it better. But she didn’t know what to say. She had hurt Lillian. Again. And there was no quick fix for that.
She typed and deleted her response several times, her heart heavy with the weight of it all. The words she wanted to say, the explanations, the apologies—they felt empty in the face of what she had done. How could she explain the mess of emotions inside her? How could she tell Lillian that every time she got close, Rebecca felt like she was drowning?
Finally, she typed a message, her fingers trembling slightly as she hit send.
I know. But I’m trying.
It wasn’t enough. She knew it wasn’t enough. But it was all she had at that moment. She leaned back in her chair, running a hand over her face, the exhaustion of the day settling deep into her bones.
Rebecca closed her eyes, memories of the past swirling in her mind. Tessa. The woman who had once been so close, but had never been able to break through Rebecca’s walls. She remembered how Tessa had tried to get her to open up, how she had pushed Rebecca for more—more emotion, more connection. But Rebecca had shut her out, just like she had shut out everyone else.
And now, years later, here she was, doing the same thing to Lillian. The same pattern, the same mistakes. But this time, it felt worse. Because with Lillian, there was something different. Something deeper. And Rebecca wasn’t sure if she was capable of giving her what she needed, no matter how much she wanted to.
The flashback hit her like a wave, pulling her back to the days when she and Tessa had been together. The long nights of working side by side in the hospital, the shared meals, the quiet moments that had always felt just a little too distant. Tessa had wanted more—had needed more—but Rebecca hadn’t been able to give it to her.
It had ended, not with a fight, but with a slow, inevitable drift apart. Tessa had moved on and found someone who could give her the emotional connection she craved. And Rebecca had stayed behind, burying herself deeper in her work, maintaining her control.
Now, sitting in her office, Rebecca could see the parallels between then and now. She was doing it again—pushing Lillian away, afraid of what it would mean to truly let her in.
But Lillian wasn’t Tessa. Lillian wasn’t just someone who could be replaced or forgotten. She was different, and Rebecca felt it in every part of her.
The thought terrified her.
She glanced down at her phone again, the weight of Tessa’s message pressing down on her like a lead blanket. It would beeasy to go back to the familiarity of Tessa’s company. To slip back into old habits, into a relationship that didn’t demand too much from her emotionally.
But Rebecca didn’t want easy. Not anymore.
She quickly typed a reply to Tessa, her fingers moving faster now as she hit send before she could second-guess herself.
I can’t. I’m sorry.
It wasn’t an explanation. It wasn’t an apology for the past. But it was a step in the right direction.
Rebecca dropped her phone onto the desk, the tension in her chest easing slightly as she made that decision. She had hurt Lillian, and she didn’t know if she could fix it. But she wasn’t going to let herself run away again. Not this time.
She opened a new message thread, her heart pounding in her chest as she typed another text to Lillian.
I know I hurt you today. Can we talk?
She stared at the message for a long moment before hitting send, her breath catching as the message went through. It was small, but it was honest. It was a start.
15
LILLIAN
Lillian sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the message from Rebecca, her heart pounding in her chest.
Her first instinct had been to shut down, to build a wall to protect herself from being hurt again. Rebecca’s coldness earlier in the hospital had cut deep—deeper than Lillian wanted to admit. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she didn’t want to let go of what they had. Not yet.
They had something real, something worth fighting for. And for the first time, Lillian could feel that Rebecca was trying. It wasn’t easy for her—Rebecca was guarded, complex—but there was something there, something tender and raw beneath the surface. Lillian had seen it in those quiet moments, in the way Rebecca had held her after their night together, in the way she had stayed for breakfast.
And now, this message. It wasn’t perfect, but it was honest. It was an attempt to make things right.
