“Control it.” He smirked. Damn, that was a fucking hot smirk.
“Exactly.” I smiled back. “You don’t seem like the controlling type.”
He laughed again. “I probably don’t seem like a lot of things that I actually am. I mean, I’m not some control freak or anything… but… I don’t like feeling like I have no choice. I like being in charge.”
And my incredibly wanton mind started imagining exactly how much he liked being in charge. Fucking Omega bullshit. If he told me to jump, instinctually, I might ask how high before I could think better of it. Being here – with him – it felt wrong and right at the same time. It was all in my head. My own mores and social anxieties about what was expected of me as a professor had whammied the shit out of me. But I looked it up. There was a clause in our contracts that dealt with soul mates. It gave me carte blanche if I discovered that a student was my other half. It didn’t make me feel any better about it, though. My past had fucked me over.
“So, you’re a control freak, then? Alright.” I didn’t mean for the words to trip out of my mouth with a hint of lust. I made that sound much dirtier than I intended.
“You like that about me?” He raised his eyebrows and balled his fists up by his side. He was trying to control himself right now. If he lost control, would I? I knew the answer.
“I don’t hate it,” I whispered and stepped back again, trying to get as much space between us as possible.
“You don’t have to… I’m going to begood. I promise.” I was sure he would be good, too. But I knew that’s not what he meant, even if I twisted the words to fulfill my fantasies. I was coming completely undone in his presence, just as I had feared. The walls that protected me were crumbling quickly.
“Let’s uh… sit. You can eat if you want.” I offered, trying to get my mind out of the very filthy places it wanted to go.
“How about a drink. My father has a fully stocked bar with some of the most expensive liquors that he could find.” He walked over to a cabinet in the corner and opened one of the doors. “This is the finest Irish whiskey that money can buy. Do you want a glass?”
“You’re trying to get me drunk.” I rolled my eyes, and he laughed again.
“I’m offering to take the edge off of…thisfor both of us.” He grinned as he pulled the top from the bottle. He pulled out a small door hidden in the wall, and I noticed that it was a freezer. He pulled two large round ice cubes from a tray and plopped them down in a tumbler before pouring a healthy amount of whiskey into the glasses.
“That’s fancy.”
“Everything that my family touches is very fancy. You really don’t get used to it.” He brought the glasses over, and we sat down at the table. The smell of the chicken not overpowering the smell of him. So sweet and intoxicating that it made my head spin.
“Says the boy who drives a jeep that looks as expensive as a condo.”
“Touché,” he chuckled and raised his glass in the air. We clinked slowly and kept eye contact as we both sipped the warm liquid.
“This is… Damn, that’s amazing.” It must be nice to be able to afford something like this. “How different is your world from everyone else’s?” I asked slowly. “I’m… I came from a pretty poor family in Oklahoma, and this would be…”
“Money doesn’t really solve your problems. It just changes what your problems are, most of the time. I don’t know anything else, do I? I mean, I live like a normal college student who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. My family bought my jeep and then this house for me to live in. But I do have a job. I like the thought of taking care of myself, even if I know it’s partly an illusion.” I was gobsmacked. I can admit it. There was more to Darren than he let you see on the surface with his model looks and his charm.
I tried to relax back into the chair. My spine was tingling with tension. “You fool yourself to make yourself feel better about it. I did it too, and I was poor as shit. Living in the city and pretending to be happy as I chased my dream. I hated living hand to mouth and worrying about how I was going to pay my rent. It sucked. So, I pretended that it was fun, and I believed it as long as I could. Finally, I was too tired to pretend any longer.”
“That sounds exhausting.” He leaned forward and twirled the amber liquid in his glass.
“It was. If you’re not careful, it could be for you too.” I took another sip. The liquid burned and ran through my body.
“I’d be happy to give the money up for my freedom. I love my family, I really do, but I’m not sure they would even notice if I was gone. Sometimes, I think they notice my accomplishments more than anything else, which is why I play soccer. Dad wants me to go into pre-law and be like him.” He huffed, and the corners of his mouth tightened.
“And you want to be a music producer instead?”
“Yeah.” His grin brightened his manly face. “I DJ for quite a few parties and events on campus – sometimes, even in town for the high school. I love it. I’ve been mixing since I was in junior high. It’s the one thing I’m passionate about. Well, except…” He looked at me and widened his eyes. “Now I have something else I feel just as… strongly about.”
“Don’t… We don’t really know where this is…”
“You can lie to yourself all you want, Thomas. But I’m not. I gave you space, and… I was miserable. You were too. I’m done pretending that this isn’t what it is. It’s pre-ordained or some kind of shit, and I’m jumping on the ride.” He held out his hand, and I paused for a second before placing mine in his. “Get on the ride with me.”
“There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t.”
“Yeah. You said that already. But there are just as many reasons that we should.” His hand tightened on mine.
“I’d like to be happy, Darren. I would. I’m tired of being alone and having stupid one-night stands – I am. But are you really ready to jump in all the way on this? You’re still in college and…”
“I am. I’m ready because I have to be, Thomas. It’s happening now, isn’t it? Right fucking now! I may be younger than you. You might be more mature – the jury is still out on that, actually. I mean, you can’t always see what’s right in front of your face.” He teased, but I knew he was wrong. I saw it. I saw every moment that we could share if I only allowed myself to give in.
