“I still think having it on the baseball field is a bad idea, Ben. What if it snows?” I had argued about doing the event outside for the last couple of months, but they wanted to dedicate the field to dad. I had been keeping that secret all semester, and it had been killing me. I knew it would mean a lot to him.
“That’s why God made umbrellas. You’re not worried about melting, are you? A little snow never killed anyone, yet.” He guffawed as his bushy eyebrows bounced with his laughter. Principal Woodenhall had always thought he was quite funny. It’s a shame that no one else shared his own high estimation of his comedic talents.
“Dad’s gonna love it. Having his name on the field will mean a lot to him.”
“Your dad deserves it, Kenny. But I have a surprise that might top even that – at least, to him, anyway.” Ben was a fast walker for a man in his early sixties with a beer belly. By the time we got to the gym and the athletic offices, I was breathing hard. Since taking this job, I had become way too much of a couch potato. I needed to get back to running on the treadmill at the gym. But teaching was one of those professions where you always brought a lot of work home with you. We didn’t get paid nearly enough. I should have used my math degree to get a job on Wall Street. But this felt like a calling. Teaching was in my blood.
“Ben, you son of a bitch!” Dad grinned as we walked into his office. “And my son? Did I win the lottery or something?” His laugh always made me smile – you know, that kind of smile – the one where all of your teeth show. I was lucky as shit to have him for a father, and I knew it.
“Not that I know. But if you did, could you please gift me a few million so I can fucking retire and get out of this shit show?” Ben sat down on one of the metal chairs that was usually occupied by one of Dad’s jocks as he counseled them on whatever they were going through. “Kenny over here hasn’t suffered near enough, so give me his portion.”
“Hey! If you win the lottery and force me to work, I’m never coming to Thanksgiving, ever again.” I smirked and took the other seat.
“Sorry, Ben. The old ball and chain would never forgive me if Kenny stopped coming to Thanksgiving, so I’m afraid he’ll have to keep his portion of the imaginary winnings.” He leaned back in his chair, and the back of it scuffed up against the wall. You could see where he had been doing this for the last twenty years – a testament to his time here. “Now, why are you really here? The two of you showing up together can only mean one thing.”
“Right to it.” Ben’s voice dropped into his serious school administrator tone. “We’re all set for the retirement party at the end of the week. Kenny, here, has been a huge help in organizing everything.”
“And Ben has been a huge help in changing everything without telling me.” I laughed. I had spent many years sitting in this office and bantering with my father and his colleagues. Taking this job had been an easy choice, even if most of my co-workers had been my teachers at one point. They had also spent time at our house whenever Dad threw cocktail parties or barbecues. It had been strange growing up and seeing my teachers outside the school – but it was what it was.
“And he’s taken it like a champ. But I have a few surprises up my sleeve that even he doesn’t know about yet.” Ben glanced over at me and smirked. “And I think this one is going to make you piss your pants, old man.”
“That’s not funny. I’m over sixty, so that’s an actual fucking problem.” Dad glanced between us and stayed reared back in his chair. “So, what’s this big reveal?”
“I have a few of your alumni coming back to see you off.”
“Well, that’s not a surprise. Most of them still live in the area. I sent invites and got responses from enough of them that we could have had an alumni game if it wasn’t cold as shit out there.” I rolled my eyes, and Dad laughed heartily.
“You’re going to have to do better than that, Ben. Kenny seems to be one step ahead.”
Ben leaned forward and glanced over at me with a gleam in his eye. Shit – he really had something big that he was sitting on.
“I noticed there was a name left off the invite list that surprised me.” Ben’s grin made my stomach drop down into my feet. There was only one person I didn’t invite, and that had a lot more to do with me than it did with my dad.
“Really?” He looked over at me, already knowing what was about to be said. I could feel the color drain from my face as my pulse started racing.
“Yeah. I’m not sure how his name wasn’t on the list. I would think he would have been the first invite.”
“Ben… Tell me that you…” I said so quietly that Ben didn’t even hear me. I didn’t invite him for a reason, even if I knew how much he loved Dad. He was more than just a coach to him. Dad had been like a second father to him.
“Sure enough, as I was looking over the list, I thought to myself – Ben, why isn’t he on here? So I called the number we had on file and spoke to his mother, and she gave me his cell phone. Didn’t even have to go through his agents or anything, and as soon as I told him what we were doing for you – well, he agreed to be here, and, of course, I gave him the honor of giving the big speech. I mean, he’s a fucking superstar.”
“You did? Kenny, are you ok with…”
“Jax fucking Mason is coming home just for you, Harry! Jax fucking Mason back in Hardin to help the man who made him into something ride off into the blue yonder!”
“You make it sound like I’m dying.” Dad frowned and looked over at me, care written across his face. Ben may not have known, but Dad knew every intimate detail of the love that I had let slip through my fingers. The love that I had never been able to let go of, even if I was the one who walked away from everything we had. “Son? Are you ok?”
I stilled the beating of my heart which was pounding in my ears with the force of the ocean. Jax… He was coming back home to help my father retire. Of course, he should have always been invited. He and Dad have been as close as father and son ever since Jax’s father passed away in middle school. Jax had grown up in our house as much as I ever did.
“Yeah… fine, Dad,” I tried to sound excited – I failed and came across like someone who just saw a murder happen in front of them. “He should be here… I know he should.”
“The two of you were best friends back in the day, weren’t you?” Ben shrugged. “I’m sure you’re just as excited as your dad.”
Harry had no idea. It wasn’t excitement I felt – it was fear.
How do you say hello to someone that you broke the heart of? Breaking his – even if I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, had destroyed my own. Jax may have survived, but I had never recovered.
The ghost of us still haunted me.
