“I’m floored by the whole thing. I never thought that we would get back together. I mean, what were the chances?” My mind had been spinning like crazy all night. After dinner, when he kissed me goodbye, I saw the look in his mother’s eyes. She had hope, and that made me have it too.
“You’ve been saving yourself for him the moment you walked away, though. It was starting to get embarrassing having a gay friend that was so fucking nun-like. I missed my hooker best friend. So, what now?”
“What do you mean?” The thought of the future felt like a weight – a giant albatross that stayed around my neck and caused anxiety. It was stupid. We said we were going to try, but I had such fear of it not working out. Distance made love hard.
“Are you just fucking while he’s here, or is it more? From the way his eyes sparkled whenever he sees you, I think it’s more.” She fluttered her hands in front of her face as if she were a showgirl.
“It is. I mean, we’re not married. But we both want to know where this goes. I feel… fifteen again and just as stupid.” My sigh was heavy. “We’re gonna see what happens. I want to think it will be perfect, and we can pick right up where we left off.”
“He forgave you for breaking his heart. This is so fucking romantic.” She looked at her empty coffee cup and glanced over her shoulder. “Stop me from getting any more of that coffee. Whoever made it likes it thick and chunky, but I’m so tired.”
“I’m just… We haven’t had the conversation about him coming out or if he’s staying in the closet. I assume since he’s… Well, let’s just say that some things have changed, so maybe he will come out. I mean, he wanted to. I just hope it doesn’t backfire on him, somehow.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, God, we’re back to that? Stop it. You do you, and let Jax be Jax. That’s his choice and not yours.”
“Of course. I’d never make him… you know. For now, I’m just happy to be his in any way he wants.”
“His?” she teased and stuck her tongue out at me. “That’s so fucking cute! I can’t stand it.”
“Stop it. You’re gonna wake up the dinosaur over there.” I hooked my thumb back toward Ms. Jenkins. She was about seventy years old and had already said she didn’t ever want to retire. She would die on that couch one day.
“A nuclear war wouldn’t wake her. Trust me.” She scoffed.
“One day, that will be you.” I made my voice spooky.
“You will help me die before that ever happens.” She said it so seriously it made me giggle. “If I am still here past sixty, I want you to murder me in the most horrendous way.”
“Deal.” I winked. “But not really. Sometimes you go way too dark.”
“I am always dark. I’m single without hope for a hot rich boyfriend. The most I can hope for is a redneck with his own truck. Now tell me about your wedding. Do I get to be your flower girl?”
“I don’t think we are anywhere near that yet.” My heart skipped thinking about standing in front of all of our friends and family as we professed our love. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it. “I mean, if I hadn’t… left him like that – maybe we already would be.”
“Most def.”
The bell rang loudly.
“Come on.” I slid my chair out and stood up. “I hate it when the kids get there before me.” Truthfully, I had been a shit teacher all day. All I could think about was Jax. Math was a far second in my mind at this time.
“Do we wake her up? She’s still cutting logs over there.” Lisa stood up and walked over to Ms. Jenkins. “Martha! That was the bell!”
Ms. Jenkins opened her eyes and gave Lisa the finger. “Fuck you.” She stood up and shuffled past us like she was a zombie.
“Please make my death as painful as possible if that’s me in the future.”
“Deal.” I grinned,
and we headed off to class.
13
JAX
“What do you want, honey?” Mom slid another cookie over to me. “Why ask me? It’s not my life?”
“I know that. But you’re a part of my life, and… I have to let them know in just a few hours, and I have no idea what it is I want to do. Maybe I just want to move back here.” I worried about this decision all night. What was the right thing to do? Kenny had made me think about coaching and that I might be ok at it. But it didn’t feel that way – not there – not with those people.
“I’m glad you and Kenny are… well, whatever it is, you are again. Are you dating?” Her grin told me how much she hoped it was true.
