I opened the door and entered. It was dark. Dante was a fucking vampire.
“Sup, Cal!” he smiled happily. “Dude! It’s been too fucking long. We really need to hang out more, you know, get your geek chic on.”
I high-fived him as he sat behind the low counter that was filled with stacks of comic books.
“Dante, I know, man… I’ve been working like a fucking fiend, until recently. I’ve had some time free up, so I thought I better take advantage of it.” I pulled a stool around and sat down across from him. “You’re looking good. Have you been working out? Look at those arms, dude.”
He flexed his arms for me. “Krav Maga, man. I started taking classes over the summer. I’ve gained like ten pounds of muscle and leaned down. Billy loves it,” he grinned slyly. “I also started eating paleo. Billy hates that. Moray makes eating healthy hard, but I’m managing it. I almost broke up with Billy when he ordered pizza the other day!” He had a musical laugh, and it always made me smile. Dante was just fucking cool and low maintenance. He was the opposite of me in almost every way, so he was perfect to have this conversation with. He also knew everything about Eric and me. He was one of the first of my new friends that I confided in. It was a huge step at the time for me.
“That’s cool. Do you go next door?”
“I wish, but no, that’s’ just kiddie karate. I go to the west side of town. I jog over after I get off work, go to class, and then jog back. I love this new lifestyle, Cal. I haven’t felt this great in years.” He picked up some comics and started sorting them. “Comic day. In about an hour, this place will be filled with nerds. Hope you don’t mind if I work while we catch up.”
“Yeah, not a problem, Dante. I actually wanted to ask you for some advice if you don’t mind.” I took a deep breath as he looked up at me. Dante had this way of seeing right through you. When he concentrated on you, it seemed as if your secrets were all laid bare. Maybe it was just his zen demeanor, or maybe he was just that good of a friend. I did really need to hang with him more. He had become one of my favorite people.
“Shoot. Is this about that quarterback that you’ve lusted over since forever? Yeah, Billy can’t keep a secret,” he chuckled. “But you knew that.”
“Yeah… Things have gotten complicated.” I told him about everything, and I mean everything. His eyes bulged out of his head when I told him about last night. He guffawed, slapping the counter and throwing his head back as he roared with laughter.
“Holy shit! He got you to do that? I have to meet this guy… That is impressive,” he shook his head in disbelief.
“Me neither… But it was hot, I just can’t believe that we did that in public. I kept expecting some kid from the circulation desk to come back to shelve books, but that wasn’t the case. As much as… I mean, it was… I can’t do that kind of shit again. It’s not me, I guess,” I frowned. “Do you think the library has cameras?”
“No, man… Moray doesn’t have cameras in any of the buildings, just on the walkways and on the front doors. You were safe, trust me. Billy and I have done it all over this campus. Classrooms, the dance studio, fuck… we even did it on the main stage at the theatre. It was fucking amazing. You should try the music practice rooms, Cal. Seriously, you haven’t lived until you fuck on top of a baby grand.” His crooked smile made me feel at ease. Dante would know. He seemed to know everything about this campus.
“You and Billy are total pervs,” I teased.
“Hey, your library stunt has inspired me. I think Billy needs to check out some books! So…” he shrugged. “what’s the actual problem, Cal?”
“I like him too much, Dante. I know that if I continue this… He’s only going to break my heart. It’s reality. He’s still closeted, for one thing, and I was his first. Whoever stays with their first?” I said glumly.
“Billy did. I was his first, and we are going strong. That doesn’t mean anything. Love is love, my friend, and it sounds like he is as smitten with you as much as you are with him. Just see where it goes,” he offered, his voice even and smooth as if he were afraid he might scare me. “It seems to me that this is all about Eric, isn’t it? Is this jock the same as him? It doesn’t seem so, does it? Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find the truth?”
I swallowed hard; the lump that was rising in my throat felt like it might choke me.
“You deserve to allow yourself the opportunity of love, Cal. You’ve been so afraid of it, of getting hurt again… You are not that same scared boy anymore. You are a strong and powerful man who makes decisions based on facts. What are the facts, Cal? Your fear is just rising up because that is what it does, it’s what your psyche does to protect you from the unknown, and this is something new and scary and exciting, right? Don’t listen to it. Ignore it, and think with your heart and what you know to be the truth.”
“The truth is… He has never shied away from me in public. He has treated me kind and gentle and compassionate. He’s is so fucking sexy that I can’t stop thinking about him. I love to hear his laugh, even though it used to infuriate me. When he smirks, I feel it in my toes, and it used to make me want to punch him, but now I look forward to them. When he touches me, my body tingles as if electricity is running through me and overpowering any good judgment I might have. He short circuits me. I fight to stay in control, but he always seems to overpower me with his kisses and his touches, until I am putty in his hands.” I sighed and put my head down on a stack of Spiderman comics. “Fuck… I have to see where this leads. I want to. I’m just fucking scared, Dante. I can’t ever allow myself to get so fucking weak ever again. He scares me because he gives me hope. Am I crazy?”
“No, my friend. I think you are falling in love and it is a fabulous ride. Stay on, Cal. Does that help?” he asked sweetly. He stood up and walked around to beside me and gave me a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and embraced him back.
I was on the verge of crying, and I had no idea why. Happy tears for making a decision that kept me on this path with Mason, or tears of fear? Either way, I fought them back valiantly. I felt my phone buzz. Dante let go and messed up my hair with his hand.
“Okay, I gotta shelve these things. Wanna help?” he asked as he picked up a pile from the counter and walked over to the shelves that lined the long wall.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and stared at the text.
Hert Hall #403 Now?
“Uh… Mason just texted me. He wants me to come to his room now. Should I go? I want to go,” I said enthused at the prospect of having him all alone in his room. I wanted to…
“Are you fucking kidding me? Go!” he shouted excitedly. “Save a horse and ride a cowboy, baby. Seriously, he’s asking you to his room at the dorm, Calvin, in the middle of the day. Doesn’t look like he’s really trying to hide you, does it?”
“I love you, Dante. Soon? Okay?” I stood up and smiled at him.
“Get the fuck out of here, and remember Cal. By this time, you are totally a virgin again, so take it slowly. Very slowly…” He chuckled.
I texted him back as I walked out into the noonday sun. It was a gorgeous day.
