We got to the large stone steps of the small Amphitheatre that I had always found completely out of place next to a pedestrian walkway. It was one of the most unused spaces on campus. Skateboarders were its main audience as they used it for tricks during the day. I climbed up to the top and took a seat. Mason sat right beside me; my hand still firmly placed in his.
“I’m gonna tell you something, Mason. About me and why I acted the way I did. I told you I rarely date, and this is also about that. I think you deserve to know before we… well before we might decide to take the next step beyond flirting. Okay?” The words were hard to get out. A lump formed in my throat, and I cleared it as best I could.
“Tell me,” he looked me in the eyes. All I saw there were patience and kindness. He wasn’t the person I thought he was, I could see that now.
“When I was a senior in high school, I tried to kill myself,” I saw the shock in his eyes, and he held my hand tightly. I told him the story of Eric and how I had lost myself. His eyes never once left mine, and by the end, all I could see was a burning fire inside them. He was pissed.
“Where does Eric go to school?” he said slowly, a danger creeping into his voice. His square jaw was stone, and his eyes had the focus of a hawk. It was alarming, but I found comfort in it.
“Duke and he isn’t worth it, Mason. I let him go a long time ago, but the fear of how I felt, what e turned me into, it’s still there. I want to be brave and reckless; I do. But I now think about my heart like a fragile piece of me, and I spent a long time putting it back together. I just thought you should know who I was, Mason before we even…”
His hands came up and found my face. He placed them on either side of me and held me tightly. “I am not Eric. I can promise you that. I would never hurt you, Calvin, only protect you, I promise.”
He pulled me towards him, and this time the kiss wasn’t a tentative, sweet kiss. It was hot and fueled by his anger for me. It was a kiss of promise that his strength and power would protect me and never let anyone hurt me. It was the kind of kiss that movies were written about.
His tongue found its way gently inside my mouth, and I caressed it with my own. His hand found its way down to the back of my head, and the kiss deepened and intensified until neither one of us could breathe, but we didn’t want it to end.
It didn’t.
If you ever get a chance to sit out in public and kiss the quarterback, I think you should do it. It’s great for the ego and the id.
He finally leaned back and pulled me into him. I saw a few people stare at us as they walked by. Mason didn’t give them a thought. He pulled me into him, and I placed my head against his rock-hard chest. He stroked the back of my neck.
“I get it, Calvin. You were worried that I would keep you my dirty little secret. I would never do that, not now, at least. I am tired of living a double life. It hasn’t been easy or fun, hiding who I was, from myself, my friends and family. I am done with that. I just need to work it all out, okay?” his breath tickled my neck as he nuzzled down into me. “Look, I have no idea where this is going… Well, I have an idea,” he laughed. “But there’s no pressure from me. Promise. But I want to see you, Calvin. I’ve wanted to see you since I first saw you.”
“Fine…” I sighed. “I want that too, Mason. But it’s going to have to be slow, okay?”
“You know, Calvin. I’ve… I’ve never actually… you know,” he said shyly.
“With a man, you mean?” I asked. Boys like him tried it with a girl. Hell, I did too.
“Yeah. I’m not a virgin, but… I am, I guess. Slow is good. But I’m not sure how slow I can actually go. I think I’m all in.”
We spent the next ten minutes kissing on the stone steps. When we said goodbye, our fingers didn’t want to let go. He walked me back to my car, even though it was out of his way and kissed me before I drove away. He said he wanted to walk back because it was a beautiful starry night.
Truer words had never been spoken.
I barely slept. I’m sure he didn’t either.
