Calvin
I got a message from Billy last night, asking me to meet him and Gwen for lunch today over at Sam’s. It was this small bar that also served food right across from the Fine Arts Building. It was usually filled with Moray’s artistic types and a few stragglers throughout the day and night. It was a dark place, and they rarely checked the student’s ID’ so it was popular.
Billy and Gwen were sitting at the corner booth, a large basket of fries in front of them, and three frothy beverages. I couldn’t usually imbibe during the day because I had such a heavy workload at the center. Mason changed that. I had already attended my only class today, and I didn’t have to meet him until tonight, so lucky me. I might even have a second.
Gwen waved at me, and Billy gave me that trademark Billy Williams smile. He was going to be a star. Anyone who met him knew it was his destiny. I sat down across from them.
“Dante couldn’t make it?” I asked, picking up my frosty mug and lofting it into the air.
“No, he’s working. You could pop over and say hi if you want. I know he would love to see you. He was annoyed that we set this up when he couldn’t come. But damn, he’s been working a lot this whole semester. I only go in on the weekends now.” Billy smirked casually. He leaned back, and I noticed his Nightwing shirt. I wasn’t a big comic book nerd, but even I knew who that was.
“I’ll try to pop by later today. So, what’s been happening? I haven’t seen you guys since the queers are back at school party. I still feel those fireball shots you made me do.” I laughed as I took a quick sip.
Gwen sucked air in through her teeth. “It’s been a hard semester. Gamma has been keeping me fucking busy, and the classes in Poli-Sci have gotten harder, so I’m studying a lot. Marcus says it’s only going to get worse. Between boyfriends, classes, sorority, and these yahoos, I feel like my candle has a blowtorch on it.” She laughed. “Barbie and Yuki say hi, too. They might pop in for a quick drink, we’ll see.”
“Cool. If they don’t, we should all plan a dinner and a movie trip sometime soon to the Cheri theatre.” I offered. I did enjoy hanging out with my gay homies, and I didn’t do it near enough. The rednecks and I were usually up to something. I really needed to make more time to hang out with them, though. I promised myself I would. “I’ll be the lonely single, but you know I don’t mind.”
“Single… yeah, we really need to do something about that,” Gwen pursed her lips as she grabbed a fry and popped it into her mouth.
“I stopped even trying, Gwen. I mean, I haven’t met anyone, and I’m a junior, and besides, I am usually too busy with work and classes myself to even want to attempt it.” I frowned. “Hey, you never texted me back. How the hell do you know Mason McKendrick?”
She cackled as she held up her finger in the air at me. “Oh, we will get to that, my friend.” She grabbed her mug and took a long sip. “I fucking love this place and this beer.”
“Okay, you are killing me here,” I whined, throwing my arms up and leaning back in my chair.
“So, what kind of boys are you really into Calvin? We really have to do something about getting you back on the horse after… Well, it’s been a while for you, and we think it’s time for you to get back out there. We never met… the devil, of course, but you need to let your hair down and take a chance.” Billy said quietly, his voice measured and careful as he broached the subject with me.
“Oh, god…” I groaned. “You two are too much.”
“Just answer the damn question, Calvin,” Gwen said, exasperated. “Your fairy godparents can’t help you if you don’t let them.”
I leaned forward and put my face in my hands, talking through my fingers. “I like pretty boys with muscles. Most of my crushes have been jocks ever since I realized I was gay, but that hasn’t been very helpful,” I huffed sadly. I set up and set my hands on the table. “Eric, my ex, the devil, was the opposite of what I was usually attracted to, though. He was a small guy, about five-ten, and maybe a hundred-forty pounds. But he made it for his size in mental scars.”
Gwen reached across and grabbed my hand. “Real ones, too, Calvin. Let’s not let that asshole off the hook for that. I swear, if I ever meet that man, I will be going to prison.”
“We were young, Gwen. I haven’t seen or heard about him in over three years. I hope he’s changed. I hope that what happened to us, what I did after, changed him. But I don’t really care to know, honestly. He’s at Duke, and I wish him well as long as he stays far from me. Besides, what I did, the way I reacted, well… Sadly, that is all on me. I wasn’t… I just couldn’t handle it at the time. Being a gay redneck here in redneckville, was not something I could handle all alone. That was all on me, not Eric.” I reached down and fingered the ugly scar that reminded me of my weakness. I had promised myself to never forget how low I allowed myself to go. I was stronger now and would never succumb to that darkness ever again.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to drag that up. I know you don’t like to talk about it. We are your friends, though, and you can talk to us about anything, you know.” Billy said calmly.
“I brought him up. It’s okay. I realized over the summer that I had to stop holding onto the fear of that. I changed a lot since then, and it doesn’t cause the same pain it did last year.” I explained. The incident had stopped me from dating. Hell, I was always a little high strung, but when I got out of the hospital, I became a sever type A. I studied harder, stopped taking chances, and everything I did became much more calculated. This summer, I realized that I had stopped living. I went to school and hung out with the friends I felt safe with. I had trapped myself in an invisible bubble of my own creation. I’m trying to step out of that bubble now.
It was scary.
Chad and Mike did their best, but the kind of support I needed was people who understood how scary it could be to be gay. Moray was liberal as shit, but the surrounding countryside was full of rebel flag wearing rednecks, and they didn’t always understand. I knew I came from that kind of people. My coming out had caused ripples of change in my friends and family. We were all the better for it.
“So, jocks, huh,” Gwen segued. “Well, that is very interesting.”
“How so?” A cold ripple shot up my spine. She said that as if she were the wicked witch and was about to curse me.
“I think Calvin’s dry spell is about to… well, dry up,” she smiled just as wickedly. “I received a text message from someone about you. It was quite interesting. He’s a really nice guy who hasn’t really been out on campus. He runs with a different kind of crowd, usually. A lot like you.” She picked up her beer and took a sip, peering at me over the mug.
The puzzle pieces were starting to fall into place. This wasn’t what I expected, that’s for sure. But if she was about to say what I thought she was about to say, I wasn’t sure how in the hell I would handle it.
“Mason?” I asked, dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe it, but when I thought about it, well, it made the last week make a little more sense. All of the glances and teasing, hell, the subtle flirting, because that was what it was.
“Give the boy a prize. Imagine my surprise when you texted me. I am not one of you gay boys who like to gossip. I usually take a secret to my grave, don’t I Billy?” She glanced over at him, looking for some sort of acknowledgment.
He nodded slowly, his eyes focused on me and my reaction.
