“Look, if you’re worried about getting in trouble with Kelly or something...”
“I’m not.” His head snaps in my direction, his cold eyes on me. “I didn’t do anything wrong to get into trouble.”
“So you’re worried about me getting into trouble?” I ask before turning my attention back to the road.
“No,” he says, and he sounds like he means that. What the hell is going on with him?
“Then what?”
“Nothing,” he snaps, and then I don’t feel his gaze on me anymore as he turns back to look out the window. “Just drop it.”
He would never drop it if the situation were reversed. He’d torture the shit out of me until I caved and yelled the answer at him, but we aren’t the same. If he wants silence... I’m fine with that.
I can do silence, no problem.
Most people find silence boring, but I never have. It’s what I’ve been begging for since he first arrived.
But now that I’ve got it... something just isn’t sitting right in my gut.
ELEVEN
I’m attracted to him.
Jasper.
I’m attracted to a guy named Jasper.
What the holy hell is happening to me?
It’s really not the fact that he’s a guy and not a girl. If I really sit down and think about it, I’ve been attracted to guys before. I just haven’t really given it much thought and didn’t want to put any effort into exploring it.
But Jasper?
Being attracted to Jasper? Wanting to know what his hands would feel like on my body? Wanting to know what he tastes like?
Yeah, that seems to be scrambling all my brain cells. I don’t know what to do with it. I think maybe it’s been building for a bit, but seeing him swim today, naked and free in the dirty water—I don’t know.
I wanted to join him. I wanted to find out the answers to all the questions rattling around in my brain. Thankfully, I stopped myself. Well, maybe it was more about not being able to see the bottom of that pond, but still. Whatever it was, I’m grateful.
Or I was until John and Kelly decided to smash us together today. This is going to be a disaster.
We do manage a silent ride. He probably thinks it’s a new record for me, but he’d be wrong. Home was always quiet. I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time not talking when I wasn’t.
It seems he brings out the talkative side in me. Makes me want to poke and prod. Drive him crazy and get my own blood pumping. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alive, not even when my friends dared me to climb the memorial tower back home. Even when the cops showed up and pulled me off to jail, my adrenaline levels weren’t as high as they are when Jasper gives me that deep scowl.
But I’m supposed to be behaving. I’m supposed to keep my head down so I can get the hell out of here without pissing off my mother and father. So I can really, truly get away from this life that’s barely even a life.
And somehow, I don’t think my mother would approve of me exploring whatever this is with Jasper. Not that that’s even an option. Like I said, I’m pretty sure if I made a move I’d get punched in the face. And it’s not that my mom would be upset about him being male—nope. It’s because he’s from Kensley.
I’ve talked to her a grand total of one time since I arrived. It was a quick check-in, not to make sure that I’m settling in or doing okay but making sure I haven’t fucked up. That I’m behaving and falling in line. And haven’t messed around with any of the local girls. “That would be unsavory and would go against everything you must do this summer,” my mother had said.
Unsavory.
Snob. My mother is a snob.
Knowing Kelly—having been around her every day. Her fond smiles, her checking in to see if I slept well. Showing me howto make butter and soap out of goat’s milk. Being patient with me when I added too much of several ingredients. I don’t understand how they’re related.
“You hungry?” My thoughts are interrupted by Jasper’s deep voice, and it’s only then I realize we’re parked in front of some sort of diner that has definitely seen better days but appears to be open.
