When I closed them completely, I saw something else altogether.
I gave my head a shake and looked at my watch.It was barely ten, still early which was good because I didn’t want to leave just yet.
Flipping through my keys I found the one for the cabin and let myself in.Here was happiness.Simplicity.Rest.
I inspected the wood stove, then quickly prepared it for whoever landed here next.Methodically moving through the rooms, I checked doors, windows, plumbing, and appliances.
We kept the temperature in the cabin at a balmy sixty degrees in the winter, increasing the heat only when someone came up.Even then, we preferred to rely on the wood stove.
I shook out the blankets folded over the backs of the couches and fluffed the pillows, taking comfort in following Nadine’s customary routine.
Tempted as I was to light the stove and stretch out with my feet to the fire, I had a two-hour drive ahead of me.And Nadine believed, rightfully so, I was at work.
Work.What a shitshow.Gratitude for this break had quickly replaced the initial shock of Max suggesting I take two weeks off.Wound as tight as a drum, I was one light touch away from combustion.
What had once been a calling now felt suspiciously like a noose.I shuddered at the comparison, mentally scuttling away from it like a trapped animal.
Now that comparison, I could relate to.
I didn’t begrudge my children a single thing and would give them more if I could.But years of university tuitions, four car payments, a never-ending list of household repairs, and mortgage payments for a house that was decidedly too big, had begun to wear on me.
I couldn’t do anything about the house.Nadine had taken one look at the behemoth and fell in love.Based on its age, I knew we’d be sinking a shitload of money into it.But the look on my wife’s face?Like she had a front row seat to the heavenly chorus?That was worth any and everything.
Still was.
I’d taken great joy in providing for my family.
Always.
Why now did it all seem to be too much?
Locking the front door, I grabbed the shovel off the porch and made short work of the driveway and front path, guilt at the state of my driveway at home pushing me to work faster.
It wasn’t like this place hadn’t cost us all a pretty penny over the years, and it could do with a serious overhaul to bring it up to date.
Leaning on the shovel, I looked up and visually traced the simple, clean lines of the cabin.
Life had been simpler then.
Was simple completely out of reach?
4
Please
Nadine
My hand shook, the roly-poly peas tumbling off the tines of my fork onto my plate.
Aaron sat beside me at our kitchen table for the first time in two weeks, but he was still a million miles away.
I’d been thrilled when he walked through the door early.Happiness bubbled in my tummy as I flew around the kitchen, throwing together an easy dinner for us, excited to have this time to reconnect.
But Aaron gave no indication he noticed my presence never mind wanted it.
This was what we’d come to.
Kids grown and gone, big, old house echoing around us, memories the only thing keeping me company when I wasn’t working at a job I had no idea if I even liked.
