“Understandable that you want retribution, but that’s where the club comes in.” Diesel cocked his head to the side. “You do want to join the club one day, don’t you?”
“Of course! I want to go to college and be a football star, then patch in and join the firm.”
In other words, Axel wanted to follow in Diesel’s footsteps. The little boy’s admiration meant a lot to him. He hadn’t believed anyone could admirehim. Axel’s love and adoration humbled Diesel. It was pure, unencumbered by anything else.
“Can we play a video game?”
Diesel straightened. “I don’t have a game console.”
“Okay.” Then: “Can we watchTom and Jerry? Dad says Tom should’ve fucked up Jerry ‘cause that mouse was an annoying motherfucker. But me, Ran, and Ry think Tom was a mean assfuck and deserved everything Jerry did.”
“The TVs haven’t been set up.”
“Oh. Can we play dive bomb?”
“How the fuck do you do that?”
“We do it in Reb’s room. Or we used to. Since she got her pretty new room, she keeps her door locked. We get as far away from the bed as possible, then run toward it. We got to calculate how close to spread our arms out like an airplane before we make our dive. Rebel caught us once and we started beating her ass. Until CJ found us.”
“You beat up Rebel?”
Axel nodded. “I was eight. No, seven. No eight—”
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Diesel snapped.
“It was the last time we ever got the best of her. After that, she punched first and didn’t ask no questions. CJ thinks she likes to start fights cuz she has him, you, and Dad to protect her. It’s really cuz of us. We used to not give her no chance to even catch her breath.” He smiled with pride. “She would cry like a girl but she never told Mom and Dad.”
“Or me,” Diesel said. “I would’ve beat your little asses. Whydidn’tshe tell?” he asked crossly.
Axel shrugged. “Probably cuz we’d threaten to tie her up and cut off her hair. Or shave it if she made us really mad. Girls like their hair.”
Diesel didn’t know how to respond, though he wanted to say something. “Where was Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopher? They heard none of this? She wouldn’t have had to tell.”
“Mom was getting Gunner out of her the last time we ganged up on Reb.”
“And the other times?”
“Mom and Dad was in the den, during their alone time hour. Or they were already in bed after they tucked us in and thought we were almost asleep.”
“Where was I?”
Axel pursed his lips. “I think you were at the club and told CJ to watch us, but he was playing video games with Harley.” He lowered his gaze and began using his finger to make invisible circles on the table. “Rule took her in his room until you got back. Do you think Rule loves us?”
“Yeah, Ax,” Diesel responded. “Rule’s ill.”
“He tried to kill Mom and Rebel.”
“He’s ill.” Diesel didn’t know what else to say. A part of him still wanted to kill Rule. But Rebel wanted her twin helped.Despite what he did, she still loved him. “He’ll get help and return to us whole and healthy.”
“I miss him.” Axel squirmed, then raised his teary gaze to Diesel. “But why was he always praying and always being mean to Reb and Mom? He barely talked to me, Ran, and Ry. But I still know he’s not there.”
Diesel lifted his little brother into his arms, hugging him tightly, not interrupting while he sobbed against his shoulder. Only when he quieted did he sit him on the breakfast bar and thumb his wet cheeks. “Love’s a complicated emotion, Axel. It doesn’t matter the type, it has the power to destroy you.”
Swiping his arm against his snotty nose, Axel nodded. “Do you still love your real mom and dad?”
“Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopheraremy real mom and dad.” Diesel glared at Axel. “Unless you don’t consider me your real brother.”
“Reb don’t consider you her real brother,” Axel announced.
