“From what we can gather from the video evidence, there was a pimp assaulting one of his girls inside the alley next to the store. CCTV picked it up. Taylor intervened and tried to help.” Jaime paused when that night flashed back to her so quickly that she had to wonder if it had been two years…or two days. “Single gunshot wound to the chest.”
There it is.Anastasia reached out her hand and settled it over Jaime’s. “I’m so sorry.”
“If I’d just gone for those fucking cigarettes, none of it would have happened. If she’d just stayed the fuck home.” The anger Jaime had managed since Taylor’s death came back tenfold. Throw in the guilt, too, and it was a dangerous combination. Yet, the feel of Anya’s hand on hers helped. “She wouldn’t be dead if it wasn’t for me.”
“Jaime, that’s not true. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“Oh, I can. And I do.” Jaime brushed the back of her hand across her cheek. “So, when you wonder why I came back that night, I think it’s mostly because I want to be punished. To hurt. Only…a different hurt than what I usually experience. I’d rather have the pain than the guilt. I wanted something,anything, other than what I usually felt just for one night.” The problem was that it hadn’t been pain that Jaime had felt with Lady A. Not the pain she had initially expected, anyway. “A-and it was true what I said. I needed to get you out of my system.”
Anya drew her hand back.
“You know, we haven’t even caught the prick? He’s still out there because the woman he wasbeatinguprefused to give him up. It’s a fucking cold case.”
“What about the video? Didn’t that help?”
Jaime shook her head. “He wasn’t facing the camera.” She closed her eyes, reminded of the look on Taylor’s face when the bullet had ripped through her chest. That image would be seared on Jaime’s brain for the rest of her life. “Taylor saved that woman’s life and got killed for it. That’s what it’s like out there. The women are beaten into submission, beaten into betraying those who try to help.”
Now it all made sense. Jaime’s reaction to Lady A. Her guilt and her need for punishment. And even her need to get Lady A out of her system. Without closure, Anya wasn’t sure Jaimecouldmove on. But if Jaime really wanted Anya out, what Anyawas about to say would probably help speed that up. Shecouldkeep her mouth shut and let Jaime remain on the destructive path she was on, but Jaime was right. Maisie deserved the detective’s full attention.
“Jaime, I’ve heard you blame yourself, Taylor, and the woman being assaulted. You’ve even blamed me.” Anya held up her hand. “It was easy for you to see me as a killer because of the trauma you’ve been through. But I haven’t heard you blame the one person whose fault it is. The person responsible for pulling the trigger.”
“That’s… I did…” Jaime frowned. Surely, she had blamed the fucker who did this. It was futile to try and remember everything she had just said. It was a story she’d told before, but this was the first time anyone had ever called out a huge omission. “Obviously, he’s guilty, too.”
Anya shook her head. “Not too. He is theonlyone in this that deserves blame laid at his feet.” She didn’t miss the weariness in Jaime’s eyes and had to wonder how long it had been since Jaime had allowed herself a good night’s sleep. She kicked herself for not offering Jaime a more comfortable place to sit while airing out her troubles. Anya stood and held out a hand.
“Come with me.”
Jaime’s weariness turned into anxiety. “Um, where?”
Anya smiled softly.She still doesn’t trust me.“Just to the sofa, Jaime. I’m not the type of woman who takes advantage of someone when they’re vulnerable.”
Jaime bristled at being called vulnerable. She was a freakin’ cop. But as she looked up at Anya’s unwavering gaze, Jaime realized it was true. She got up—against her better judgment—and took Anya’s hand. This woman was still a person of interest in a murder investigation. Even if Jaime didn’t think Anya was guilty, that didn’t mean she wasn’t somehow involved.And that’s your prejudice talking. You think that because thewoman Taylor saved did nothing to help, Anya is the same way. She hasn’t kicked your ass out yet. Shouldn’t that prove she’s different?
“Sit,” Anya ordered.
“Do you always order people around?” Jaime teased.
“Only when they need it.” Anya tossed Jaime a blanket. When she received a questioning look, she laughed lightly. “There’s a reason for the term security blanket. Being wrapped up in a soft, warm embrace of a fluffy blanket does wonders for the psyche. Don’t you have something that makes you feel… safe?”
It was on the tip of Jaime’s tongue to say Taylor, but that would have been a lie.Shemade Taylor feel safe. At least that was what Taylor told her all the time. And though Jaime could relax around Taylor, she wasalwayson alert. She draped the blanket over her and settled back onto the comfy couch.Oh, it’s weighted. Jaime felt instantly soothed, but she shouldn’t have been surprised. This entire place was soothing, and she’d only ventured into the kitchen and the living room.
“No, I guess I don’t. I’ve never thought about things like this.” Jaime surreptitiously sniffed the soft blanket. It smelled cleaner than anything in her apartment. The scent was as calming as the blanket itself. And it was a scent Jaime now associated with Anastasia.
“You should. As silly as it may seem, it helps.” Anya cuddled under her own blanket, briefly wondering if she should have made some tea before settling in.
What was silly was Detective Jaime Baros sitting on a plush couch, wrapped in the softest blanket she’d ever felt, with a suspect.Person of interest, Jaime corrected silently. What was absurd was that she felt… safe. And comfortable. And really fucking tired.
Anya watched Jaime’s eyelids get heavier. Her goal in bringing Jaime over to the couch was so Jaime could relax. She had been so tense while talking about what happened, Anya wanted to relieve some of that tension. Why she cared after being accused of murder, she didn’t know. But she did. And instead of continuing a conversation where Anya was completely aware Jaime didn’t fully address the skewed blame, she sat quiet. If Jaime needed to speak, Anya would listen. However, Anya suspected what Jaime really needed was to close her eyes and let go of her past, if only for a few minutes of inner peace.
Chapter Fifteen
“Mm. That feels good.”Jaime shifted onto her side, bringing the blanket up to her chin. She hadn’t felt so well rested in a long time, but the warmth, weight, and softness of the blanket grounded her. Then there were the nails softly grazing her scalp. Given her line of work, a gentle hand wasn’t always easy to come by. But right now? Here? She felt cocooned by safety. Enveloped by calm and care.
Taylor had never done this for her.
Wait, what?
Jaime froze in the position she lay in and opened her eyes. Her head…was resting on Anya’s lap. That soft hand she had just been enjoying…was Anya’s.Oh, shit.Part of her wanted to sit bolt upright, aware that this wasn’t what she did. But most of her wanted to lie here for the rest of the day, enjoying the silence and the serenity this woman—surprisingly—offered.
