As she turned the key in the ignition, Taylor floated into her mind.I’m sorry, babe. A tear slid down Jaime’s cheek, rolling to her jawline. She didn’t want to cry for something she couldn’t change, and she didn’t want to cry for the way she felt. Taylor was gone; she was never coming back. But that was on Jaime to deal with. Perhaps it was just too close to the anniversary of Taylor’s death… Jaime didn’t know, but shedidknow that she had to focus on this case if they had any hope of finding the bastard behind all of this.
“Okay, come on. Go home and forget about this.”
Jaime turned up the radio, smiling when P!nk’sWho Knewplayed through the speakers. Her mind instantly wandered back to Taylor and the nights theydidget to share with one another.
“Right, answer me this. If I died in the line of duty, how many years would you mourn me?” Jaime stroked a palm up and down Taylor’s thigh, her head resting back on the couch. “One year? Five years? Forever?”
Taylor sighed. “I’m not sure it’s possible to answer that. It’s something I’d have to face if the time came, you know?”
“Really?”
“Well, yeah.” Taylor gazed at Jaime, her light brown eyes sparkling. “Nobody knows what the future holds, Jai. On the one hand, I may never find anyone like you again. Or I could…but I refuse to allow myself to go there. On the other hand, someone could just come into my life so unexpectedly that I fall in love again and try to open my heart up to them.”
That was a very good way of looking at it. Jaime didn’t plan to lose her life, so this conversation was a dud, really, but she enjoyed talking about these things. It was important to her to know what Taylor wanted or planned to do if these situations came about one day. “I guess you’re right. I don’t know what I’d do if I was faced with something like that.”
“I know exactly what you’d do.” Taylor grinned, placing her hand over Jaime’s. “You’d wallow. You’d live in your own mess for several months, and you’d push everyone away. That’s just who you are.”
“I’d…live in my own mess? Thanks!”
“You’re not the kind of person who opens up. It took me long enough to even convince you that we were worth a shot.”
“Because of my job, babe. Not because I’m closed off and didn’t want to be with you.”
Taylor lifted a shoulder. “Still.”
“Still…what?”
“I just don’t think you’d find love again easily. That’s not a criticism; it’s simply me understanding who you are as a person. If I died?—”
“Don’t say that, babe.” The thought of losing Taylor had Jaime’s stomach in turmoil. She didn’t enjoy thinking about a day when they may not be together. To imagine it being because of a death, no. Jaime didn’t like that at all. “We were talking about me. Not you.”
“Are you the only person who could possibly die in this scenario? You know, the scenario that’s never going to happen because you’re so shit hot at your job?”
“Anything is possible. But it’s far more likely that I’d die than you.”
Taylor quirked a brow. “Is it, though? Just because you find yourself in dangerous situations, it doesn’t mean you’ll go before me. Okay, the probability of it happening is higher, yes, but I could choke on dinner tonight, and maybe you couldn’t save me.”
“I’d save you!” Jaime scoffed.
“Jai, you know what I’m saying. Our time is up when our time is up. As for the future for the other person…nobody knows what is going to come.”
“Fine. But just so you know, I wouldn’t ever move on. I’d just work, probably get a dog when I retire, and live alone until my time comes. I wouldn’t need to find someone else, because whatever I had with them could never match what I have with you.”
Taylor squeezed Jaime’s hand, lifting it and kissing her knuckles. “Baby, don’t do that. Please.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Spend the rest of your life alone. I’d hate to think of you that way. We have what we have until it’s time to go. Everyone deserves another shot at love, and I get it, I really do, but you can’t spend your life alone because you think you’ve had your dose of happiness. I know there would be someone else outthere who could take care of you and love you just as much as I do right here, right now.”
Jaime couldn’t comprehend loving someone else. In the years she’d spent with Taylor, even the idea of it hadn’t crossed her mind. Okay, their relationship wasn’t perfect…not by a long shot, but it worked. They worked. “I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation. I’ll die before you anyway.”
“Maybe. But maybe not.”
“I’d want you to move on, you know.” And Jaime meant that. Taylor had so much love to give, the idea that she would close herself off hurt Jaime’s heart. “So long as it was someone who treated you with respect, looked after you, someone who had a good heart…I’d want you to move on.”
“And I’d want the same for you. Always. I never want you to be alone, Jai.”
Brought from her thoughts when the club door slammed shut, Jaime sat with her lips parted. Taylor had always insisted that Jaime move on if anything ever happened to her. It just…didn’t seem possible. She’d already let one love of her life down by not being there to protect her. Jaime couldn’t put herself in that position ever again.
