No matter how you look at it, I’m some kind of monster. I won’t even deny that I am.
She looks so peaceful. Hell, she looks right all tangled up in my sheets. Like she belongs there. I hate myself for the thought, but I can’t hate the feelings that come with seeing her there or how she’s gotten under my skin.
I’ve lost count of the minutes I’ve been out here or how many smokes I’ve gone through.
The cherry of my cigarette burns bright as I take a long drag. I suppose if death is less than twenty-four hours away, it doesn’t matter what number I’m on.
I exhale slowly so my line of sight to her doesn’t get blocked by a cloud of smoke. I don’t dare to take my eyes off her. Part of me still can’t believe this whole thing is real. I have to take the good with the bad, no matter how much I want to keep just one part of this story.
Her.
I want Astra. I want tokeepher.
I want a life with her. A chance to find out all the things I’ve been missing. An opportunity to protect and cherish her for years to come.
Part of me wants to go over there and crawl into bed beside her once again. She’d wake up and sleepily beg me to fuck her. I’d slide inside her, fucking her hard until we both come. Until I’m dizzy with confusion and drowsy from emptying my balls.
Then I’d fall asleep.
Beside her.
Like it’s something I can allow myself to do.
I inhale deeply to the point I feel the burn of the smoke in my lungs.
I want her.
But I don’t fucking deserve her.
I exhale hard.
I’m a fucking bastard, so I’m going to take her. I’m going to use her until I’ve had my fill. Then I’m going to cut her free once we figure out all of this curse shit.Ifwe figure it out.
That’s the only way it can be.
She stirs, and I go stiff in the chair. I say nothing as she realizes she’s alone in bed. I can only imagine what she’s feeling. It doesn’t take long before I feel her eyes on me, even hidden here in the shadows.
Nothing is said as she slips out of bed, taking the blanket with her and wrapping it around her beautifully naked body. Her eyes stay locked onto me as she heads my way.
I look up once she’s standing directly in front of me.
Bringing the cigarette up to my lips, I take one more inhale before I snuff it out in the ashtray to my left. She crawls into my lap, and the moment her head leans against my shoulder, I turn to take a hit of her scent.
My dick awakens under her, but I tell it to settle. For probably the first time, fucking her is second on my list. I likethe feel of her in my arms too much. I’m finding it… comforting, which is something I’m not familiar with because it’s too dangerous.
And that’s exactly what this is. It’s dangerous and foolish.
My dead heart kicks in my chest.
I wrap my arms around her, holding onto her tightly.
It hits me too fast, leaving me feeling as if I’ve gotten whiplash.
Astra’s not justindanger because she’s close to me, she’s dangerous for the exact same reason.
Because as we sit in silence wrapped up like this in the middle of the night, I realize that if anyone hurt her, I’d burn the world down to get revenge.
“We have to talk about it,” she says softly, breaking the silence.
