Astra has been avoiding me all day.
The one time I purposely stood in her path, she turned her nose up and walked around me without so much as a sideways glance in my direction.
When she left the house in the afternoon, she told Lucille she was leaving, even though I had been in my office with the door open as she headed down the stairs. Had Andre not already informed me of her planned outing today, I would have been livid. I might have agreed to let her have some freedom, but there was no way in hell I’d send her out on her own. One, I still wasn’t sure if I could trust her. And two, I couldn’t let anything happen to her.
For the sake of my own health, of course.
Even I’m rolling my eyes at this.
She declined my invitation to dinner, or so I assumed, since she didn’t answer me when I knocked on her door to ask her to join me. As sad as it was, it didn’t stop me from sitting at that big table alone, picking at my food for an hour while hoping she’d come down.
But she didn’t.
She didn’t even take the food I had sent up to her.
All day long, everyone has been looking at me like I’m the reason there’s an air of chaos running through the house. I suppose I am, but this is my house, dammit!
I’ve wasted an entire day worrying about how to get back on Astra’s good side, and I hate myself for caring so fucking much about it. I haven’t been able to do anything. If I didn’t have Torrin and Carlo checking on everything, I might feel bad about it. It’s not like I’d be any good, anyway. Not with the way my head is preoccupied and my temper is resting on a hair trigger.
As I climb the stairs, I tell myself this is the last attempt to fix things. I will not let her walk all over me when I’m clearly trying so fucking hard to get through to her.
I stand there for a second, staring at the dark wood door to Astra’s room.
Finally, I gather enough courage to knock softly on the door. I swear I’m holding my breath, listening for any sound indicating that she’s heard the noise. I know she’s in there, but I don’t know if she’s still awake.
“Astra,” I say as calmly as I can manage. I can’t stop my stupid hands from shaking. My fists tighten, causing the paper bag holding the to-go food in my grasp crinkle loudly. I clear my throat and speak again. “Astra, please let me in.”
Again, I’m holding my breath.
There’s a faint shuffling behind the door, and it’s stupid how a spark of hope to hits my chest.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” she says through the door. Her tone is broken, and I can’t deny the pinch in my chest at hearing it.
“Okay,” I say, taking in a breath. She’s talking to me. That’s a start. “But will you listen for a minute?” When I’m met with silence, I panic and change direction. “Or if you don’t want to talk, then will you at least take these things I brought for you? It’s nothing really, but I thought…”
“What things?” she asks, thankfully stopping me from rambling like an idiot.
“I know you didn’t eat, so I brought you some food. And some other things because I wasn’t sure if you were going to watch a movie, and I wanted you to have candy and popcorn if you wanted it. You seemed really excited last night about it…” So much for stopping me from sounding like a love-struck teenager who has never talked to a girl before, let alone his crush.
Well, fuck.
A crush?
Fine, I’ll admit it. I’m a fucking grown-ass man with a stupid crush on the woman who has gotten me deep in some curse shit. Life’s fucking grand sometimes, huh? But that’s the only thing I feel for her, and I’m sticking by that. A crush. A tiny infatuation. An urge to sleep with her again. That’s it.
The lock clicks over. My eyes are glued to the handle as it slowly turns. The door cracks open, and then her face is there, those doe eyes peering up at me for a second before moving down to take in the many bags I’m clinging to. I resist the urge to hold them up like I’m presenting all of my findings because I’m desperate for her to talk to me. To forgive me. I know it’s not that simple. Buying things, no matter how thoughtful they are, isn’t going to fix this. I’m just hoping it’s enough to get my foot in the door.
“Why?” she asks, dragging her eyes up to meet mine again.
“Why?” I parrot back.
“Why did you do this? All of this?”
I take a deep breath and roll my eyes as I exhale, which is mostly at myself because I don’t have an easy answer to that question. Or maybe I do, but I’m not the talking kind of person. I can’t just express my feelings, especially when I can’t fully explain what they are. My body turns, and I take two steps away from her door.
“Wait,” she says, and I hear the hinges of the door working as it swings open.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I state as I turn back to face her. “I just don’t know how to say it.”
