I was confused but gave a small shrug as I told her to let them in.
Reagan ushered everyone out before doing just that.
I could say I was definitely surprised to see Axe step inside the room a moment later.
My mouth opened, then closed, and fell open again. No words came out but I was pretty sure the shock was noticeable on my face.
“Hey,” he said as he stopped a few feet away from me.
“Hi,” I said a little too loudly.
There was a tiny up curl of the corners of his lips.
“I, uh, I wasn’t sure if I should invite you. I didn’t know if it would be weird. It doesn’t feel weird though. Does it to you?”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “It feels right to be here.”
We’d always had this strange relationship. While I knew we’d never work out, there was a part of me that cared deeply for him. I was so happy when Allison came into his life. She was perfect for him. There was no denying it. Instead of hiding his darkness, she was able to bring it out in a way that worked for the two of them. I didn’t really know the details and I didn’t want to.
I could only guess that Allison was the reason he knew to be here. Though it could have been Reagan because she sometimes didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. I loved her for it though. I was really glad that I had the Paragon Ladies back in my life again. It took me a while to reach out because I felt so shitty about how I’d needed some distance while I was figuring things out. But they were awesome and made me feel like they understood.
Holy shit. Why was I crying?
“Are you smiling at my tears?” I asked him like I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
“Yeah,” he said and I couldn’t tell anything by the tone of his voice. I never could. “It’s beautiful.”
“Wow, you have managed to get even more fucked up,” I said it in a joking way. But seriously, what the hell kind of comment was that?
“No,” he said with a shake of his head as he stepped closer to wipe away the wetness from my cheeks. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?!”
“It’s beautiful because you feel. We spent years together, pushing away everything. We didn’t talk about it though we both knew there was fucked up shit in our heads. A lifetime of things we couldn’t erase.”
“Well, yeah, it was for the best. For me at least. I didn’t want to be that person and I couldn’t be something better if I relived every horrible thing that happened to me.”
“But don’t you see, we were both numb?” he asked and his head cocked to the side as he pinned me with narrowed eyes. “You’re crying because you feel. Which gives me hope that when you laugh now, you do it with every single part of your body. That you love like you’ve always wanted to.”
“You always did see too much,” I told him with a small smile.
“I always wished this for you but I never knew how to give it.”
“Maybe you weren’t supposed to.”
He didn’t respond but his small smile told me that he’d already figured that part out years ago.
“You’re a good man,” I told him as I touched his face.
With a nod, he leaned down and lightly kissed my cheek. Then he stepped back and turned to walk away.
He looked over his shoulder when he reached the door.
“And you’re going to be the most amazing mother,” he said low and oddly a little emotional as his gaze flickered down to my stomach. I didn’t even have a chance to respond before he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
My mouth hung open and my hands automatically went to my belly.
No one knew. Not even Silas yet. I was waiting until tonight to surprise him.
