We were laying in bed, wonderfully naked, of course. She was playing with my fingers and I had a permanent smile on my face as I watched her.
I swallowed hard thinking about the last time I’d called my mom. Yeah, I might have known that I loved Jessica when I’d called her with all those questions. But I’d been shitty and hadn’t talked to her or my sister since then. Things had been a little crazy, so you couldn’t blame me.
“It’s been a while,” I admitted.
“Oh,” she said like she was disappointed. “I heard you on the phone with your mom back at the cabin one night. I wasn’t trying to listen. But I could tell by your tone you were talking to her.”
“Yeah, I called her. I might have been a little out of my mind that night,” I said with a soft chuckle.
“Do you think I could call them sometime?”
“I’m sure they would love that.” I had to stop myself from saying more.
No, I hadn’t forgotten about my nephew’s birthday. I would never forget something like that. And though I hadn’t confirmed with my sister that I’d be there, she had to know that I wouldn’t miss it.
Which was why I’d picked up that stuffed bear yesterday in the gift shop attached to the horrible roadside diner we stopped at. That was right after we’d taken the wonderful tour of the oldest button collection museum. That wasn’t the name but with all the dust that covered everything that was what if felt like. Yeah, neither of us thought that was amazing. But hey, it was something to do.
I bet she thought that bear was for her. That was if she even noticed me buying it. She had kind of been lost looking at all the local, handmade pottery they had there.
“What about you?” I asked. Not only was I trying to change the subject because I was worried I’d blurt out my plan, but I wanted to know about her. I mean, I knew she didn’t have any family that she talked to, but she had to have people that she cared about, right? “Do you have anyone that you keep in touch with?”
To that, she let out a long sigh.
“I think I did this whole thing all wrong,” she said like it was a heavy burden she’d been carrying around for a while.
“What do you mean?” My fingers stroked up and down her arm.
“I have friends from back in Moon Hill. I kind of haven’t talked to them since I left.”
“You mean the members of the Steel Paragons?” I asked and maybe I sounded a little irritated. Just slightly. And it had nothing to do with the fact that I pretty much knew she’d slept with most of them. It had to do with the feeling that I’d had when I was there. The sense that they had her there and couldn’t even seem to tell me her last name. So it led me to wonder just how much they really did care about her.
It might have been shitty of me to get upset but I couldn’t help it. When she talked about her time in the club there was always this little smile on her lips. I couldn’t explain it, but I took it to mean that she’d had a good life there. They did take care of her for many years, gave her a safe place to stay— well,saferplace than the streets. That said, it still hurt a part of me that they didn’t seem to value her like I did.
“Yes, them. And there were a few women there,” she answered. “Reagan and Ellie. Even Allison.”
“Tell me about them,” I said. I knew a little but she hadn’t really gone into detail. She hadn’t shared the good moments of her time at the club with me.
So then she opened up, explaining which member each of the women belonged to and how they found their way into the club life. I didn’t know much about the club, but I knew enough to follow along.
It sounded like she had friends there, like the real kind. They didn’t judge her for the choices that she’d had to make in life in order to survive.
“You should reach out,” I said then placed a light kiss on her temple. “When you’re ready.” I could tell there was something that was holding her back.
“Yeah, maybe.”
We were silent for a long time but I didn’t mind. She kept playing with my fingers while mine drew invisible lines up and down her arm. I was happily content and I think she was too.
Eventually, she drifted off and I stayed awake for a long time after that.
I had to make the rest of her life amazing. It was this need that came from deep in my soul. I knew I’d never feel settled if I didn’t.
I could only hope tomorrow would be a happy surprise for her. I had to admit, I was a little nervous.
What if she wasn’t ready?
What if it was too soon?
What if I ended up ruining everything?
