And what could I say? I’d had the same thoughts. How was I any different from Ray Ramos? I mean, I’d never harm her, there was that. And sure I killed people that pretty much fucking deserved it, but I was still a killer. I had taken many lives and not even flinched. All of that had been born because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions so it wasn’t even like I had a good excuse for it all. Not that I really thought there was a good excuse for becoming a contract killer.
Giving it up had been easy. As I said those words to Dalton, things just felt right.
And I’d like to say that I was giving it up for her, but the truth was, I was giving it up for me. I was letting go of the part of me that I didn’t need anymore so I could become the person that Jessica needed. The man that she deserved to have stand by her side.
I so desperately wanted to be that man.
And there was nothing that would stop me from making her happy. From keeping her protected and safe.
I saw it now, what I couldn’t admit to before, that I was in love with Jessica.
It had come so easily that I wondered if it was truly real.
But I knew that it was because I’d never felt this way before. I hadn’t ever been hit so hard with an emotion like this that I never wanted to let it go.
The only thing left to do was wait. To stand by her and show her that I was never leaving. That I cared about every little thing. And hope that one day she would feel it too.
Until then, I was going to show her the good life. I wasn’t really sure what that was quite yet but I hoped I had time to figure it out.
One day at a time, maybe? All the while keeping an eye on the future.
Hey, it sounded right to me.
-31-
Silas
The road was our only plan for the next few days. Neither of us seemed to be in a hurry to get anywhere. At least for the moment.
For the first time in a long damn time, I was relaxing and having a good time. I was taking it minute-by-minute and loving every second that ticked by. I wasn’t restless and I wasn’t anxious to have something to do.
It was like life was finally clicking into place.
Tonight I sprung for a nice hotel room despite the fact that Jessica said she kind of liked those scary right off the side of the road motels. But watching her look around the room, I could tell I’d done the right thing. It was her wide eyes and gaping mouth that gave it away.
I might have searched at the last rest stop once I figured where we’d be bunking down for the night. I kind of wanted to give her something nice and I was glad she was letting me.
I’d learned a lot about her. The now her, that was. The grown-up woman that was standing in front of me was something rather amazing. She’d been through a lot, that was a given. She’d told me enough about it that I got the picture. It was pretty much what I’d always imagined. Which killed little pieces of my heart every time I thought about it. But the thing was, Jessica talked about it like it was an experience. It was almost as if she saw it as part of her journey to climb the highest mountain. And once she reached the top, she would have found her place in life.
It sounded strange but that was what I saw in my mind every time she gave me a peek into her past.
She was stronger than she realized.
All I hoped was that I was at the top of that mountain with her when she reached it.
“I shouldn’t be surprised by this place, but I am,” she said as she tossed the bag of clothes on the bed.
It had our new shirts in it. Three each. All ones that we’d picked up on our stops today. As odd as it was, I liked wearing those damn touristy shirts.
I think at this point we both needed to get some new clothes. While I did have shit I wore other than suits, we kind of took off without much. Like nothing at all. We did find a wash-and-fold place last night but one pair of pants just wasn’t going to cut it much longer. And I hated that we were both wearing underwear that came from a truck stop. Yeah, it didn’t feel the most pleasant but at least they weren’t dirty.
“I’m glad you like it,” I said with a smile as I pulled her in for a kiss. “You’ve got to let me treat you every now and then. Not to get allI’m richon you, but I’m rich.”
“Oh, wow,” she said with a small giggle. “You’re so subtle there. I had no idea.”
“Well, you know, I like to play it cool,” I shrugged my shoulder trying to be Mr. Smooth.
“And just so you know, it’s not money I have a problem with. It’s how you use it.”
