“Well, yeah, but that’s not the point. That stuff I expect. That kind of stuff makes sense in this movie.” I told him with a roll of my eyes.
He just laughed at me.
“Do you want me to turn it off?” he asked.
“No,” I said as I scooted closer to him and settled back down. “I’ll let it go.”
With another laugh, he resumed the movie.
My head fell to the side, finding the perfect resting place on his shoulder.
It was a moment later that his hand roamed under the blanket until it found mine. I hoped like hell he couldn’t see my smile, which was big, by the way. He wasn’t simply holding my hand. No, he had made a point to interlace our fingers and he was even doing that thing where his thumb lightly brushed back and forth over the back of my hand.
No one had ever held my hand.
Not like this.
And I certainly hadn’t had someone tenderly caress me like this, causing a strange fluttering sensation in my belly.
I wasn’t dumb, I knew what was going on with me. I’d watched too many romantic movies to be blind to it.
I had huge feelings for Silas.
Not the friendly kind, either.
This wasn’t my best friend’s big brother who looked after me and loved to make me smile.
This was an older version of a familiar boy, now with man parts and sexiness.
Okay, maybe he’s always had those things but I certainly wasn’t thinking about them that back then.
And I suddenly became super nervous.
I didn’t know how to deal with these kinds of things.
Sex, that was something I knew. Obviously.
It was something I could do without any forethought or even a connection.
But that wasn’t what this was and I was certain I didn’t want that here.
Wait, I wasn’t saying I didn’t want sex!
In fact, the more he kept rubbing my hand, the more I thought about sex. Only I didn’t wantjustsex. I wanted to know what it felt like to have the act of sex actually mean something more. Strange that it took me this long to realize I’d really been doing it all wrong my entire life. Then again, maybe that whole making love thing was just bullshit. Maybe it was all the same no matter what. And maybe I was simply kidding myself right now.
I had no clue on this whole romance thing and how to be on the receiving end of it. I also wasn’t sure how to do it. Like, how did I show someone that I liked them? Or that I wanted more cute, little touches like this one.
And it was right then that I figured out that I really liked holding hands and cuddling on the couch.
I liked it so much that suddenly all the problems I had with the movie in front of me didn’t matter.
“Silas,” I breathed out as I tilted my head to look at him.
I lost whatever I’d planned on saying as I met his intense gaze that happened to already be on me.
We sat there for way too long simply locked on each other’s eyes.
His chest rose and fell a little heavier than normal and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest.
