My body screamed at me as I made my way into the bathroom. I let out a frustrated huff. I wasn’t used to this feeling. That damn job had kicked my ass, literally. Hey, I was just lucky to be alive.
The image of that guy on the ground flashed in my mind. Well, I hadn’t actually seen him there on the ground but I had a good idea of what he looked like. I wasn’t sorry he was gone, but I had been one wrong move away from being right there next to him.
I’d never thought about death before. I didn’t think I was invincible, I knew I was anything but. Killing made me realize how quickly a life could end. I saw constantly how vulnerable the human body was. A shot to the head. Or one to the chest. A rope wrapped around the throat. A quick jerk of the head in the right way. Life was a fragile thing and I knew it, I just hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about mine.
I’d never been shot before either.
I almost couldn’t believe that I had been as I stood there looking at the wound on my shoulder.
I was always careful, always stayed out of sight until the last possible moment. Most jobs, they never even saw it coming and I preferred it that way. But some jobs were harder, required a closer approach. And there were even ones that were more hands-on. Those were my least favorite. It took longer than simply pulling a trigger. But I was one of the best for a reason. I had managed to stay under the radar all this time.
Maybe that wasn’t something I should boast about, and I really wasn’t trying to. I had to be at the top. It was the only assurance that I’d get paid well for what I did. Oh, and it let me be a little more picky about which jobs I took.
I stared harder at my reflection.
Did that really matter anymore?
I wondered if maybe this job hadn’t shaken me up more than I thought. A near-death experience would do that to a person, I suppose.
But as I stood there, I thought about letting it all go.
It wasn’t like I was getting any younger.
I knew I couldn’t do this forever and the thing was, I didn’t even want to.
Dalton had been spot on. I didn’t love what I did. I was good at it and I loved having the security of not having to scrape every cent together just to eat.
I’d made it to the point that I could live comfortably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything ever again. Or worry the same thing for my family. No matter what, I was set enough for a couple of lifetimes.
It quickly started to invade my brain that I didn’t need this kind of life anymore.
Things kept swirling in my head while I cleaned and changed my bandages. They were starting to plant themselves in my brain, growing roots so deep I wouldn’t be able to dig them out.
My eyes closed to try to get some clarity, but then I suddenly felt dizzy. I wasn’t sure why but I knew it wasn’t good. I brushed it off on the fact that I’d been pushing myself when I should have been letting my body heal. I wasn’t fucking used to this sort of thing. I didn’t like it. Not even a little.
The longer I stood there, the more the room seemed to tilt back and forth. I tried to blink away the blurriness from my eyes but it didn’t work.
Bed.
I just had to make it back to the bed.
Then I would get some much-needed rest.
It hadn’t helped that the whole time Jessica slept curled up against me, I’d been awake. Between my thoughts trying to process everything and the fact that I still couldn’t believe it was real, I was afraid to close my eyes. I might have thought that I had actually fallen to my death and was in some kind of wishful heaven. I only knew better because there was no way I’d get wings when I left this good Earth. I could just see it now, the moment I died, the ground would open up and suck me through a tube to meet the horned man of the underworld.
Hey, I was a pretty fun guy, maybe we could be best friends when that day came.
I did a half-roll, half-fall into the bed. By the time I landed, I was covered in sweat. It wasn’t a good thing but I didn’t want to think about it right now. I told myself that a nice long nap would fix it.
I tried to close my eyes, only to find them already closed.
Then I was out.
I had no idea how long I slept but when I woke up drenched in sweat and shivering, I knew I was fucked.
The pain coming from my arm was excruciating and when I touched the flesh around the gunshot wound on my shoulder, it felt like it was on fire.
I crawled out of bed and made it into the bathroom just in time to unload my mostly empty stomach into the toilet.
