With all the shit that I’d been through there hadn’t ever been a time when I looked around and saw no way out. If Silas hadn’t been there, Ray wouldn’t have hesitated to kill me. I saw it in his eyes. That look, I could see it just as clearly now in my mind.
The tears eventually slowed to a trickle. I was exhausted and drained. A nap sounded like the best thing ever.
“How about we watch a movie or something? We can finish talking later,” he said softly.
My head nodded against his thigh.
“Come here,” Silas said and without giving me a chance to move, he pulled me up as he once again rested back against the headboard.
He let out a pained grunt and I tried to shift away from him, worried that I’d hurt him.
His arm wrapped around my shoulder and I gave in, finding my head tilting to lean against his chest.
The TV mounted on the wall across the room came to life but I wasn’t really watching it. I couldn’t even tell you what I had agreed to watch and what was now playing in the background.
My hand gingerly went to his stomach and the moment I cuddled in tighter to his body, I couldn’t fight sleep another second longer.
And I didn’t think I wanted to.
I felt safe.
I felt warm.
I felt like I’d never felt before.
I wanted to hold onto this moment but I also wanted to lose myself in it. I wanted to let go and take advantage of how right I felt now. The simplicity of it all. Sure, it was a familiar face on a strange man, but there was this new sense of something I couldn’t explain. And that was the thing that felt easy… and right.
When I woke, I was under the covers. It took my mind a moment to play catch up and remember where I was. I relaxed the instant I realized the body I was currently half draped over was Silas. We’d somehow managed to shift down on the bed and were both laying down. The TV was off and the room was lit only by the low light of the lamp beside the bed.
He was awake. I knew he was though he was completely still.
“I fell asleep,” I said like it wasn’t obvious.
“You feel better?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I whispered. Neither one of us made a move. I couldn’t deny that I liked where I was and how it made me feel. “How are you feeling? Am I hurting you?”
My body tensed thinking I should get off of him. His arm tightened around me as if telling me he didn’t want me to move.
“No, this is nice.”
I smiled and agreed with that statement wholeheartedly in my head.
“Tell me how you got here? I mean, what happened after I left.” I asked softly.
His chest rose and fell heavily under my head.
“I was scared at first,” he said with a sigh. “But I had to hold it together for Mom and Irenna. Then, after a while, I was angry. But not at you. There were all these emotions and I searched for you every chance I had. There was nothing. It was like you just vanished.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t,” he said, his hand rubbing up and down my arm softly. “I don’t want you to feel bad. I understand, I do, but I still was a mess. We all were.”
“I tried to leave you a note so you wouldn’t worry. Which, now that I think about it probably only made it worse.”
“Little bit,” he told me but his tone wasn’t angry or sad. It was like he was trying to make light of this heavy conversation. Again, it was hard not to see the Silas I knew back then. “I needed an outlet, or maybe it was more of something to take my mind off of everything. I have no idea why I walked into that gun range that day but I’m glad I did. It started out small. Wanting to learn how to fire a gun. I think there were many things going through my mind. Like if I could have protected you better. And maybe a part of me needed a way to get all of my anger out.”
There was a pause, the room so quiet it almost hummed in my ears.
