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Jessica
Some might have said my life was colorful. That would have been the nice way to put it. I would have said that I hadn’t been given a chance right out the gate. Born to a junkie mom and an abusive dad, I came into this world already dealing with a heavy struggle. Sure, there had been some positive things, but it didn’t do me much good to think about those now.
Life had pinned me to the wall quite a few times.
And when it got to be too much, I simply ran.
I guess you could have said that I’d learned that from my parents because that was always their go-to when things got hot. We’d pack up what we could in cheap trash bags and take off into the night. At most, I got to stay in one place for a few months.
One time though…
There was that one time where I got nearly a year.
But that year ended up costing me so much.
Anyway, back to the important parts.
My name is Jessica. I used to be a club girl for a motorcycle club. It was a good life and I actually had a roof over my head for many years. The price wasn’t something that was hard for me to pay and honestly, I rather enjoyed it. Compared to the men I’d had to deal with before, they treated me well. Beyond well, if I was being honest. I might have been there to satisfy their needs but they always showed me kindness and looked out for me. It was like I was part of some mismatched family. We all were a little broken, a little sad. And I had to admit that it was nice to not feel so alone. Going in, I knew I’d never become anything more. Once I spread my legs that first time, that was all they saw me as.
I didn’t regret it and I didn’t hate it.
Hey, I was even lucky there for a while. I had a sort of relationship. Maybe that wasn’t the right word. What Axe and I had was more on-and-off than anything. And yeah, it was kind of messed up given that I slept with the people he considered brothers when we weren’t trying to make something work. But it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, I swear. There was no jealousy and I wasn’t trying to be a conniving bitch. It was the way things were there. I guess that kind of went along with the whole being a club girl thing.
It took me years to see that what we really had was more toxic than anything. We both cared about each other, that much was clear, but there were all these walls with us that we just sort of accepted. We hid behind them and never tried to break the other one’s barriers down. I guess it worked for the time.
But I started to see that it wasn’t right for either of us. Then he found hisrightand it made me realize that I desperately wanted to find mine.
That was about the time it started to hit me hard that I was lonely.
It didn’t help that over the last few years some of the brothers had found their one true loves and were hardcore settling down. Each time it happened it was like a tiny kick in the gut. That wasn’t to say that I wasn’t happy for them, I was. But it made me realize that I was looking for something, I just knew I wouldn’t find it there. Time was creeping up on me and though my life had been rough, I started to long for a family of my own. I wanted kids, yes, and I didn’t want to raise them alone.
So with a heavy heart, I said my goodbyes and wandered back out into the world to find my place.
Funny thing, it wasn’t great.
I knew it wouldn’t be.
What kind of skills did I have? I mean, ones that would get me a job, anyway. What was I qualified for? Well, there was prostitution for sure. I could work it like no other. But I was trying to get away from all of that and I knew getting paid for sex wouldn’t land me closer to reaching my dreams. That also meant that stripping was out, too. The chances of finding an upscale establishment that would hire me and treat me right were slim. So I didn’t even bother. It looked like slinging drinks or serving up greasy food were my best options.
I found a city. Found a bar. Asked for a job. And did my best to settle in.
That was pretty much it. Here I was with a somewhat decent apartment and a job that wasn’t all that bad.
However, the longer the weeks went on, the lonelier I realized I was. It was hard to go from feeling like I was connected to this group of people to having no one. Some might say that it was pretty shitty that I’d cut off all contact with all the people that cared about me. That I’d walked away from the motorcycle club that took me in only not to look back. I’d even agree with that. But the thing you need to understand was that I was weak when it came to things like that. It was hard to not have that warmth of love surround me every day. No matter which way you looked at it, I was loved in some ways there. If I got a call from Reagan or Ellie, I knew I’d go running back. Hell, even if Axe called me and told me he missed me in that platonic, almost sisterly way, I’d give up my dream. It was a hard thing to walk away from. I did what I had to do. I changed my number. I found an apartment that accepted payment in cash and still kept rental agreements in a filing cabinet instead of on a computer.
Yeah, I might have learned a lot of things in life. Like how to fly under the radar. Living at the club, I knew Bocca was a genius with computers and could track down just about anyone that left a paper trail.
The bar I worked at let me work under the table. I suspected he never asked for my ID or asked me to fill out shit because I was sure to bring in some business. I was good at serving drinks, and I did it with a sexy smile.
Every night I went to bed telling myself that this was just temporary. The first step to many. But I had a feeling I’d be stuck on this step for a while.
“I’ll be in the office,” Jamal said as he crowded in on my back. His breath fanned across my bare shoulder and I flinched. I hoped he didn’t notice. He was my manager and he sometimes got a little too close. Like right now, for instance. But he’d never touched me inappropriately or made crude comments, so I rolled with it. “Don’t, under any circumstances, come back there.”
“Got it,” I said with a nod but didn’t turn to look at him.
He left and I breathed out a sigh of relief. I didn’t have a problem with his orders, in fact, I tried my hardest not to go back to his office.
