Like…
I felt connected to Mouse because he’d been there when I most needed someone.
He’d stepped right in and helped me not freak out when I gave birth to Chry. And even before that.
He’d written me back, even if it had taken him a while.
In other words, my brain was trying to tell me it was all a desperate girl’s dream. A stupid fantasy. While my heart was trying to argue that it was real.
Did I feel like it was real?
Yes.
Could I explain why in words?
Not really.
And I didn’t really want to. When Mouse held me in his arms, I felt loved. And when he talked to me, I didn’t feel like some stupid, naïve girl that didn’t know anything. I felt like I was perfect. I had this singing in my soul that told me I was enough for someone just the way I was.
My head hurt thinking about it.
I honestly had no clue where Mouse stood in all of this. For all I knew, he was just playing with me. And as much as I wanted to believe that wasn’t true, I knew well enough to see that it might have been that way for him. After all, when I’d come back here, he’d had a girlfriend, or so I assumed she was. And I knew that they’d more than likely donethings. Like the things he’d done with me and maybe even more. I wasn’t all that sure of what themorepart could be, but I didn’t want to think about that.
“Ingram?” Ky’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “You okay?”
“Oh, yes,” I said as I remembered why I’d come out here.
I dug around until I found the ice cream.
There was a look shared between Ky and Chris as I sat down with my bowl on the other couch. I didn’t miss it but I wasn’t sure if I should say anything about it. So I focused on the TV as I ate my yummy sweet treat.
Eventually, something snapped inside of me. It could have been Ky’s irritation rolling off of him or the pity looks that Chris kept giving me out of the side of his eye. Or it could have been the fact that Mouse had basically been a ghost and no one would tell me anything.
“What is going on?” I asked sharply as my head turned to look at both of them.
Chris lightly sighed while Ky’s throat worked with a hard swallow.
“It’s not my place to say, Ingram. I’m sorry,” Chris said and it sounded like his heart was breaking as he told me those words.
“Ky?” I said turning my attention to my brother and all but pleading for him to clue me into what was going on. “Is there something going on with the club or…” My words trailed off for a moment and then one word pushed its way out of my mouth in a harsh, scared whisper. “Mouse?”
Ky grunted and pushed off of the couch.
“Going to bed,” he said gruffly, then took wide steps out of the room with his fists clenched at his side.
I knew it then, my brother’s posture and rigidness gave him away all too well.
This was about Mouse. That was what they’d been whispering about when I came into the room. But was it because they knew something? Or were they just talking more about how he had just disappeared?
Tears filled my eyes because I could feel it in my soul. Theyknewsomething. Or one of them did at least. Only, they weren’t going to tell me.
“Please, Chris, please,” I pleaded as a couple of tears spilled out of my eyes. “Tell me that he is alright?”
With his eyes closed, he let out a sad sigh then said, “Yes.”
All the air left out of my lungs and I couldn’t seem to drag another breath in. While I was happy that he was safe and not dead, I was mad that he hadn’t even bothered to respond back to my messages or call me in days.
So all I could think was that it had to do with me. That I’d done something wrong and he was now avoiding me.
