And now shit had really fucking changed forme.
In the bathroom, I was surrounded by Ingram and it sucked the breath from my lungs.
Ever felt like you couldn’t get a single thing right?
That was how I felt right now.
Everywhere I turned I managed to fuck shit up whether I was aware that there was something to fuck up or not.
I couldn’t even think about the Ingram thing right now.
I just couldn’t.
But being surrounded by her soap and scent only forced her front and center in my mind.
It didn’t matter how I looked at it, I knew I had fucked up again and I couldn’t blame her if she didn’t give me another chance. I didn’t deserve it anyway. Not only that, I started to think that this was too much to ask of her. She didn’t need for her life to be more complicated. And suddenly having a kid in my life certainly was complicated.
I’d fucked up by giving in to my desires and taking Ingram on the beach. And if Ky ever found out about that, I’d be a dead man. As it was, I knew I’d hurt Ingram by staying silent and Ky had warned me what would happen if I hurt her again.
Yet somehow, I didn’t regret the things that happened that night on the beach. I’d never wish to take it back. Except now, I knew she’d be the one with the broken heart in the end. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, because even as I thought about having to let her go, I felt the pain of a million daggers digging into my heart.
I cut the shower off and reached for the towel I’d set aside. I dressed in clothes that felt strange but I was grateful for them.
I’d been gone too long and I was feeling itchy as the seconds ticked on. I needed to get back to the hospital but I knew Chris wasn’t done with my dumb ass yet.
“Sit,” he said and nodded his head to the chairs that were tucked under the opposite side of the island. There was a plate ready and waiting with a sandwich and an apple cut up. I didn’t even say anything about the fact that he had gone through the trouble of coring and slicing the apple. This was Uncle Chris all the way, so I let it slide.
As I sat, it hit me. Not only was he a really good friend but he was also a great uncle. He would be a great uncle to all the kids he took under his wing. Fuck. I suddenly saw images of my little girl running down the beach in the summer. Of Chris helping her pick out her first surfboard and teaching her how to work the water. Hang-ten and carve waves or whatever the fuck it was. I didn’t know that shit. But strangely, I saw this new future right in front of me and all these incredible people that were around that would do anything to make my little girl’s life nothing short of amazing.
My club, they’d never let me down. My brothers were fucking remarkable in their own ways and their extensions were a blessing if I’d ever seen one. Chris. Gwen. Cami. Laurel. Bridget. Claire. They all had their own strengths and charm.
I wanted Sparrow to have my life only more. I didn’t want to shield her from the club life like my mom had tried to do with me. No, I wanted her to grow up immersed and surrounded in it. I wanted her as strong as Gwen. As sweet as Cami. As ball-buster as Laurel. As easy-going as Chris.
And so fucking on.
Bridget could teach her how to read people and be aware of her surroundings. Claire could teach her to rise up from anything that might try to knock her down. My brothers, well, when it came to them, they could teach her how to swear, rebuild a car, change her own oil, and hold a gun. Maybe some of those weren’t the best things but hey, that was who we were. And knowing how to protect and take care of yourself was never a bad thing.
I had been going about this all wrong. But it didn’t mean that I was ready to let them in. I needed my time with my girl. I needed to know that she was going to pull through before I let them take her into their hearts. And, fuck, I still had a lot of things to process.
“Give it to me,” I practically grunted because I knew it was coming and maybe, just maybe, I really needed to hear it.
I shoved the sandwich into my mouth and let him take over the conversation. I wanted to hear what he said but also get it over with quickly so I could get back to my little girl.
“You need them as much as they need to know that you’re okay,” he said quickly. I could tell that he got me and knew this wasn’t going to be a long conversation. “I’m mad at you, but I get it. I get that this is a lot of shit dumped on you at once and it will take some time to get through it. But you can’t let us go around thinking that you’re not okay, or worse, dead. Be there for your little girl, make sure she gets strong enough to leave the hospital, then bring her home.”
“And then?” I asked because I was kind of fucking clueless.
Only…
I wasn’t.
I’d been there for Ingram when she was probably feeling some of the panic that I currently was. I’d calmly been able to take over and find out what she needed. And that was what I had to do for myself right now.
I began to recall all the things I needed to do and get, and suddenly the room began to spin.
“Mouse,” Chris said softly and I blinked my eyes into focus as I looked at him. “I’m here— we’re here for whatever you need. Just send a text and consider it done. Focus on her and getting yourself sorted out. You need to be strong for her and bring her home.”
“Sparrow,” I said as I tried to calm my racing heart.
