I was starting to feel settled in my job and at the beach house. Most of the time I thought of it as home but there was still a part of me that knew I needed to get my own place.
I wasn’t sure how long Chris and Ky were going to be engaged, but I had already decided that I was going to be out of their hair before they got married. They deserved to have their time and that way, I had kind of given myself a deadline.
I learned that I worked well with having schedules and deadlines. I was comfortable with making plans and goals and working toward them. It really helped in times when I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing half the time.
Then the time came when I couldn’t avoid it anymore. Chris told me that there was a cookout at the compound. Since I didn’t have to work, I knew I had no acceptable excuse that would get me out of it without making him suspicious. I guess it was like eating dinner with Laurel and Cami there, but something about this felt different.
What was I going to do?
It would be good to get out and be around people I was comfortable with. Chry would love it too. I hated that he was so isolated sometimes but I didn’t know anyone else with kids.
At least not yet.
I had to admit that I was really happy to learn that Laurel was with child. She seemed really happy about it too.
I wouldn’t have said that I was jealous of her because she was having a baby with someone she loved and it was clear as day that B-ry loved her back just as much. However, it did make me wonder what that felt like. I was a little curious to know what it would be like to raise a child with someone that loved us both.
It was a little silly to think of such things. I had learned that it was good to have realistic goals and dreams. The rest of it, well, I had a feeling reaching for the stars would only leave me with a huge pit of disappointment in my chest.
“Hey,” Chris said as he knocked on my cracked-open door. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
I was in my thick robe currently going through everything I had in my closet.
“I’m having some problems, I think,” I told him, feeling confused. “Why is it so hard to pick something to wear?”
Everything I had didn’t feel right but I didn’t have a good reason why. I had tried on three dresses already and quickly ripped them off after looking in the mirror.
At the sound of Chris’ laughter, I turned to face him with a slight scowl on my face.
“Are you nervous for some reason?” he asked me with that face that told me he already had all the answers to what was going on with me.
“No,” I said quickly, then really thought about it. “Why would I be?” But I was. It was like it all crashed down on me at once. “Why am I nervous, Chris?! And why is there so much perspiration gathering in odd places?”
I tried to loosen my robe a little so I could get some airflow going in hopes of cooling off.
“You want me to tell you the truth?”
I hesitated as I stared at him.
I didn’t answer him because I wasn’t sure how to.
“I think this might have to do with seeing a certainsomeone.” His brow went up in a knowing way. “I don’t know what’s going on there, but I can tell you that he cares for you too.”
I looked away as my eyes began to sting with tears.
“He does not,” I told him in a firm tone. “He thinks I’m just a silly girl.”
“No, he doesn’t. He’s torn for so many reasons. But I see him watching you with that protective look on his face that says he’d give his life for yours.”
I wanted to tell Chris that he was greatly mistaken. As I looked at him again, I could see that he knew what he was talking about so I kept my mouth closed.
“Come on. Put the blue dress with the tangerine flowers on and fix your makeup, then we’ll go,” he told me with a wink before leaving my room.
A smile pushed at my lips as I reached for the dress he was talking about. I held it up and looked at myself in the mirror. Yes, that was the perfect one.
After I dressed and touched up the little makeup I had on, I told him I was ready to go. A few deep breaths later, I still didn’t feel so sure about this.
Not that Chris would let me back out now.
