‘I can handle it.’ In reality- I couldn’t. But he didn’t need to know that, or at least I didn’t want to admit it. In any case, I rushed to see why he was bleeding and only after taking a large breath of air, I removed the bloody wrap.
The wound was still sewn together, so he must have been bleeding from the effort. Because of me.
‘Just pour some disinfectant and put another bandage over it,’ he was giving me instructions as if to one of his nurses. I just couldn’t begin complaining since I was the main reason this had happened. Well, me and his sex drives. Not even bullets could get him to keep it in his pants.
I was finally done. Still, I couldn’t leave him, especially since earlier he could barely close his shirt...even if somehow he had found the strength to have sex with me ‘Do you want me to stay? To help you?’
The question angered him, it seemed as if I was overstepping a limit. One that he already broke because of me ‘It’s enough that you get me to fuck you in my house. You don’t get to sleep in my bed, Bea.’
Funny since the last time I was here, he invited me to do just that. Sleep in his bed. It was only his way of showing me how things had changed. How I had a newplacenow.
‘I could have slept on the couch. I don’taimto sleep in your bed as you may recall. I only wanted to help you, but I guess you don’t need my help except when it involves your dick, do you?’ I didn’t expect an answer and even if my little rant was going to cost me, he couldn’t back out from his part of the deal, and that was all that mattered to me.
‘Goodnight, Brax,’ I closed the door behind me immediately after getting dressed.
Things were clear from now on. I was no longer some centerpiece he needed to own.
I was a mere toy in the hands of a bored man.
Chapter 9
The extra-long hot showers trying to wash my sins away were becoming a routine. Just water flowing down over me, washing the scent of their lips, but never the memory.
I couldn’t visit Ferris later, and he didn’t request my presence either. No matter how hard I might want to, sleeping in his bed would still feel like torture, even if he behaved the way he did the previous night.
I just needed some time with myself. Seconds. Hours. Maybe even days. I needed to make peace with what I was doing, and work through the constant battle of my body versus mind.
The kings were weakening me. Not by the warmth of their skin, but by the coldness of their gestures. Minimalizing me, degrading each moment to the point where I was to become insignificant. To disintegrate.
I guess deep down, Ferris understood. He recognized what all of it was doing to me. That’s why he didn’t summon me to be hisslavethis evening. Or perhaps he had better company.
The thoughts tormented me, consumed me throughout the night to the point I saw dawn’s light rising without having shut an eye from the moment I lay down on my bed.
A plan of who and when to call them was brewing in my mind, when Ferris beat me to it. My phone lit with his name glowing on the screen.
‘Did I wake you?’ His voice rasped, as if he was sharing my state of mind.
‘No. Not really. But what are you doing up so early?’ I asked, knowing that he never woke up before noon, especially when I wasn’t around.
‘Couldn’t sleep.’ He had the same problem I did, only this time I knew what was causing his nightmares.
‘Since you’re awake, you can come here and we’ll wait together for Brax and Cole to arrive.’
Maybe last night I wouldn’t have been the best company, but the storm within me seemed to have calmed down by the morning. It had something to do with Ferris’s story, to the thought that monsters aren’t born that way. They were created.
‘We won’t be having the meeting there,’ his answer snapped me away from my thoughts. ‘You know I don’t like leaving the house. I had to put in a huge effort to come by your place two days ago, but I don’t feel like it today. I’ve already talked to Brax and Cole. They’ll drop by my place in the evening. I’m also expecting you then.’ The tone of his voice was much more formal than before. Either he was concerned about our plan or I had pissed him off yet again. In any case, I knew all too well who was going to endure the consequences.
‘Ok. I’ll come by after I take Seb to the hospital.’ It was his dialysis day again, no matter how much I would have liked to postpone it.
‘Call me if you need anything.’ And he hung up.
I guessHave a great day, my lovewas out of the question.
We were firewalking on hot coals, with the full knowledge that both of us would get burned in the end.
Since ourmeetingwas postponed, I divided my day between playing cards with Nat and Seb and going to the hospital for my brother’s treatment. No sense in wasting a single moment of priceless family time, especially since it was Saturday.
After a home-cooked meal that Nat helped me prepare, I left her and Seb with a lifetime supply of popcorn and candies. No doubt, the babysitter was looking at me as if I was some kind of misfit that breaks all the nutritional rules in the book, but I couldn’t really be bothered with her opinions at that point. Seb couldn’t have many snacks anyway, and he knew never to overstep his limits, so I was safe.
