“Get back in the car, Sophie.” Declan orders. The tone of his voice leaving me in no doubt that he means business.
I do as I'm told and turn to Dad. “How can you do this to me? Put me in this position? You know what? Don’t speak - I can't even talk about this right now.”
I look over at Dec and mouth, “Thank you.”
He smiles and starts to reverse the car to get us on our way home. He asks where my dad lives – its only a five-minute drive. When he pulls up, I turn to Dad in the back seat. He looks sad, in pain. It hurts my heart, but it makes me mad too - I'm grieving too - but when does he ever give a shit about me? I get it’s an addiction, but why doesn't he care what I'm going through?
“I’ll speak to you tomorrow, Dad.”
“Okay. Did you sort things out with your landlord?”
Oh great, now he’s asking this in front of Declan.
“I’ll speak to you about it tomorrow.”
He gets out and walks down his path - the path that I grew up walking up and down to school, the one that Mum used to stand on to watch for me getting off the bus. But now there is no Mum, and those memories are bittersweet because of what my life is now. God, I miss her.
Declan drives off once Dad is inside.
“I can't thank you enough for tonight. Bet that's the last time you offer to give me a lift, huh?”
“I'm glad I offered to give you a lift tonight. I get the feeling that's not the first time that you have had to bail him out, so I'm glad that I was there. It's not safe, you doing things like this. You'll talk to your dad?”
I nod. “I will, I have to, I can't keep on like this - we both miss my mum, you know? He's not being fair.”
A look comes over his face, and then it is gone - I can't fathom what it is - it looked like grief - has he lost someone too? It looked like pain. Takes one to know one - once you go through grief, you realise the signs. If you haven't experienced grief, you can't come close to explaining it to someone. It's the worst feeling ever, it feels like a disease eating away from you from the inside, getting more and more of you every day, but a feeling you get used to at the same time.
He pulls up outside my flat for the second time tonight. “What was your dad saying about your landlord?”
Oh Jesus, this is getting more mortifying by the minute. “Ah, nothing for you to worry about.”
“Are you in arrears?”
“Yeah, a little. Nothing I can't sort out though.”
“This is why you need two jobs - because of your dad.”
I nod. I totally want to see the back of today now after this – and I’d had such a good day up to that point as well. I hardly know Declan and he knows all this crap about me, knows how crap my life is at the moment.
“I'm sorry you have all this to deal with this, Sophie, is there no one that can help? A relative, maybe?”
I shake my head. “No ‘fraid not, I have an auntie that lives in Essex, but she doesn't have any money; it's Mum’s sister. She doesn't have any spare cash; she lives in a flat month to month. I don't think she'd help Dad out anyway - like I said, he's always had a bit of a gambling problem.”
“OK, well, it's late - I’ll get your bike.”
I get out and watch him easily lift my bike out of his car. I lean in to take it off him, and on impulse, I reach up on my tiptoes, putting a hand on his shoulder and press my lips to his cheek. I like how he feels, his skin is lovely and warm and he smells of soap and man musk. He looks shocked and embarrassed. Embarrassed from getting a kiss on the cheek - a big attractive guy like him - it makes me chuckle.
“Goodnight, Declan.”
He says goodnight, and I turn to go into my flat. I haul my bike in and leave it in the hallway - it's usually safe there. Once inside, I see his car drive off. I go to get ready to fall into bed and wipe out the last hour.
My dreams are of Declan coming to my rescue and I wake up with a smile on my face.
